American dream.. Yours or mine?

The American Dream, that old American ethos. What does it mean today? To me? To you?
Is it apple pie, picket fences. Is it a middle class family with 1.6 kids or couple in their eighties celebrating their 60th wedding anniversary?

James Adams wrote that the "It is not a dream of motor cars and high wages merely, but a dream of social order in which each man and each woman shall be able to attain to the fullest stature of which they are innately capable, and be recognized by others for what they are, regardless of the fortuitous circumstances of birth or position."

Martin Luther King Junior wrote "when these disinherited children of God sat down at lunch counters they were in reality standing up for what is best in the American dream and for the most sacred values in our Judeo-Christian heritage, thereby bringing our nation back to those great wells of democracy which were dug deep by the founding fathers in their formulation of the Constitution and the Declaration of Independence."

I think it may be simpler.. I think the American Dream is in every moment, good or bad..
I think most people come into adulthood with these beautiful dreams of what life will be like (wouldnt it be nice if we were older....) and on the other hand we have what life turned out to be.. I think we are happiest in the moments that fall in between, there is where you will find the American dream..

If i have to hear it one more time..

Ah yes, I'm pregnant again.. And even though this is my fourth pregnancy in 6 years people still feel the need to throw their opinions about anything and everything into my face along with every stereotypical and stupid comment you can make to a woman who is expecting..

So i am responding..

YES, Oh my god, yes.. I know what causes this.. Clearly i built my family by clicking my heels together and wishing really hard.
Seriously this is how it always goes..
Hey, we got some great news the other day.
Yea, whats that?
James and I are going to have another baby!
Oh.. you know what causes that right?
I mean for once could i get a congratulations. Yes i acknowledge that my husband and i have carnal knowledge of each other. Yes i know that is how children are conceived. Yes that is one of the many reasons (many reasons) we do it..

No, this was not (i repeat NOT) a surprise (or accident or oopsie).. I am an adult woman who has a brain. I understand that as a woman of reproductive age, contraception is something that i must think about and practice. Unless my husband and I have comfortably and securely made the decision to let nature take its course and try to conceive.
Because lets face it.. Your either trying or your not. Not, not trying (not using contraception) is indeed trying to get pregnant..

How am I going to handle it all?
Well, its not like I'm giving birth to the incredible hulk so i think i can manage.. The same way i managed when i had one child, or two, or three. Just because you couldn't imagine it all (to the lady with no kids) doesn't mean that some families don't thrive. And no (to the lady who has one bad as hell kid) I am not crazy. I don't very often say it out loud but I'm a damn good Mom! and James is one damn good Father and Husband. Believe it or not, its not bedlam around here. At this moment dinner is in the oven, Presley is sitting at the island in the kitchen quietly doing his homework and James, River and Wilson are snuggled under the green blanket (that i crocheted myself) watching Top Gun.. Its actually quite peaceful..

Yes my hands are full. So is my car, pantry, linen closet, freezer, garage, junk drawer, glass of tea... I have alot of things that are full. But my heart is fuller than all of them combined..

Yes, your right. It probably is better me than you.

NO! I'm not trying for a girl. I'm trying for a fucking giraffe.. This one really bugs me. Why do people assume that because i have sons that i must be having a fourth child so i can have a girl. Amazingly enough folks, i don't need to have a daughter. If anything, a boy would really save me a ton of cash because we have everything set up for boys.
If this child comes into the world with indoor plumbing, Its not like I'm going to need therapy. I will be just as excited for a hamburger as i would a hot dog.. I'm just getting a little tired of people telling me that i need to have a daughter.

And the last one.. And probably the one that is the most personal that people just feel freely to discuss.
You know what, I'm not sure if I'm having my tubes tied after this or not. I may decide that this chapter in my life is over or i may decide to travel down this road again some day. I'm not really sure yet.
I know that I've leaned toward completion with this pregnancy but in all honesty its only because everybody and their fucking Mother is telling me that's what i need to do.. Yes, I've got more than 1.6 children. No, I'm not trying to have my own TLC show. What difference does it make to anyone else? We're not of welfare, food stamps or WIC. Our kids are well behaved. They say please and thank you, they don't put their elbows on the table. I can think of alot of people who shouldn't have ANY children and for damn sure shouldn't have any more.. But i wouldn't say anything to them. So why then, do people feel so free to say to me "Geeze another one? When are you gonna get James fixed?". Fixed? James isn't broken and if I didn't want to be pregnant, I wouldn't be pregnant..


Okay.. Well i guess that's enough pissing and moaning for one night. I better go anyway, that chicken isn't gonna fry itself!!

This was a good idea?

Wow i haven't "blogged" in a while..

So lets catch up eh?

Okay so we pulled the goalie.. Or actually the goalie committed suicide. My IUD jumped out of my cervix 4 days before my appointment to talk to my doctor about having it removed anyway. I guess so me folks just cant handle rejection.
So me, the fertile Myrtle, got pregnant a few minutes later.. Well maybe a more than a few minutes but within the next few weeks i got two pink lines, a blue plus sign, two red lines and a phone call from a lab tech saying i had a low (but detectable) amount of HCG in my blood.. A week later i got another phone call from the woman who was to arrange my prenatal care. She seemed very concerned over just how low the level was, so she ordered another blood test which came back reassuringly high..
So there was that.. I'm knocked up, with child, in a family way, with a delicate condition or very, very pregnant with my 4Th child since 2005.. However you want to look at it..
Morning sickness came in and kicked my ass. Hormones made me crazy and lack of calories made me exhausted.. Plus we all had a touch of the flu to make things just that much better!! All of that equals a dirty house and Momma doesn't give a shit today.. Sorry kids, we're not getting dressed and Moms not getting off the couch.. Right in the midst of that when i really thought.. WHY DID I DO THIS?? What was i thinking?? 4 kids? Brandy are you insane? You cant handle three kids and the flu!! That karma thing people keep talking about, showed up.. I started bleeding. A lot. I went to the ER and noticed through the panic that i was cramping too..
Okay i thought, i know what this means.. I also know that I've been through worse and I'll be okay.. After an exam, blood test and ultrasound it was determined that this kid is a tough one because he was amazingly enough, still in there! He was a little small.. About 11 days smaller than he should have been which would have normally been a big concern but seeing as how i had very low HCG levels.. It seems like i just conceived a little late in my cycle and everything is fine.. So far.. Its still very early on but I'm feeling good about it.. Physically i feel like barfing but emotionally I'm feeling good..
Oh yea, my new due date from my ultrasound is the same due date i had with Presley, June 21st (though he came a few hours early and landed on June 20Th) so what are the chance of that??

If i have to be green, I wanna be OD

Ive never really been a "green" person. Im a child of the eighties.
We are living in a material world and I am a material girl. Im a consumer, its the culture i was brought up in. I did not invent the internal combustion engine but i take great advantage of it. I grew up with drive-thrus, plastic and PCs and have never really given it a second thought.
That is, until recently.. You know that oil spill that everybody freaked out about? The one that (as far as facebook was concerned) was worse than a planetary collision and nuclear winter, the one that killed every living being on the face of the Earth.. You know, the one nobody talks about anymore? Well since that happened I've really been thinking alot about what I'm leaving behind for my kids and my grand kids.. How much of a consumer I actually am..
I drive a gas guzzler.. I know that, hell I've got two of them but not because i choose too but because i have a growing family and they don't make electric full size SUVs.. There really isn't anything i can do about that but I'm realizing there are alot of things that i can do.. Every little bit helps right?? Reduce, reuse, recycle!! Waste not want not!! I recycle all the paper, plastic and cans that come through this house. I consciously try not to buy things that i don't need.. I wont buy the kids cheapie plastic toys (that cant be recycled) no matter how much they beg just so they can end up broken in my yard tomorrow. Of course that has less to do with being responsible and more to do with i don't want a bunch of broken fucking toys piled in my yard, it looks trashy.. Anyhoo, now I'm on the next step. Reusing. Im completely addicted to these blogs or shows about old stuff that gets turned into something new and useful and amazing instead of ending up in a dump. So here lately I've been really trying to take stock of what i own and instead of buying something new, seeing if i cant re purpose something into what i need..
I thought i would share with you the past few weeks examples..

The first one isn't really anything super or even creative for that matter but a few weeks ago we painted Presley's room and I wanted to get him a new dresser that went more with the look that we were going for..
This is what he had before. Its actually a dresser from when i was a kid and lets just say this thing has been through the war!!



So i sanded it down, painted it, put a clear enamel on it so it would maybe have a chance of surviving Presley and put some new pulls on it and i think it came out looking pretty good for the first thing that I've ever sanded before!!


By the way, sanding totally sucks..

Okay the second one is my little compost bin that I'm super proud of!! Up until now I've just kind of had this heap next to my garden that i piled yard debris, paper and kitchen scraps on and occasionally would stir up with a shovel.. I didn't need much, I'm kind of a crappy gardener but James and I have been overhauling the yard this summer and now we're trying to get it all ready for the winter so maybe, just maybe, it'll look decent by next summer.. Looking decent includes doing something with my pile of decomposing organic matter. Meanwhile, in my garage I've had some old baby gates sitting around.. really i wanted to just throw them away because they were cheapies anyway but they're too big to fit in my garbage can and if its not in the can, they wont pick it up. Yea i never said i wasn't lazy! So i had flash of creative process and came up with this.. It lifts right out of the ground and its the perfect size for what i need..
Its probably only going to last until next spring but whatev's.. it works for now..

Okay the last one is carpet, lots of it.. My neighbor across the way (one of the bazillion other people that also owns a Trailblazer) re carpeted his house last week so James walked over and asked if he could have the some of the old stuff and padding to sound proof the garage (don't all people have rock bands living in their garage?) so he gladly gave James some of the bigger pieces that would work for what he needed.. He also happened to give James a few feet of the new carpet that was left over. I saw it and immediately thought about how for the last few weeks Ive been contemplating buying two of those things that sit underneath car seats. They're made to protect the seat itself, if you've got upholstery you'll be okay for a while but if you've got leather (like the Suburban) you need them.. River and Wilson's car seats have been trying to stab holes in the center row of seats for a while now.. Especially River's because i just put his slouchin' behind back in a five point harness and he's a little bit heavier now than he was when he came out of it.. So here we have under car seat protectors via my neighbors new carpet installation!!

Ignore the crayon in the picture, it managed to elude me when i was vacuuming the other day..

I guess necessity is the mother of invention!

You're good enough, You're smart enough..

There are some days when my life scares the ever living shit out of me.
Okay maybe not days but moments where suddenly it hits me that I am NOT the person that needs to be doing this.
For example, earlier this evening Presley and I were sitting at the table working on writing his whole name and when we got to our last name he said "this is a hard word Mom" and for about 2 seconds i went into a panic thinking that i am the LEAST patient person on the face of the Earth, why am I teaching a small child to write. Dear God, I am responsible for teaching another human being our written language??? I don't think I would be capable of explaining this to a grown up with a high IQ let alone a small child with a learning disability!! But then i looked down and he had written it perfectly and had gone on to draw what he said was the USS Presley Joe..
Or the moment before i go to sleep at night when i suddenly remember that i forgot to turn on the alarm clock and i manage to shake myself awake, get up and turn it on. Its in that moment when i think Fuck Brandy! You just about completely forgot to turn on the alarm clock? That is the easiest part of your entire day! Presley would have been late for school and probably missed some super important lesson on String Theory, what kind of Mother does that?? Oh shit I'm a mother!! I am solely responsible for three living, growing, learning beings. Their health and their happiness are direct results of decisions that I make and looking back.. Ive had my moments of some pretty pitiful decision making.. But then i tell myself that i guess i must be doing something right, they are all still alive so that counts for something. No one has starved to death or been struck by lightening yet.. And for kids whose existence is half way made out of me, they're pretty well adjusted I'd say. They have manners, they don't talk back or dart off into traffic. They're pretty self reliant. They make happy plates and they don't put their elbows on the table.. And then i get back in bed, satisfied that the alarm clock is on..
Some people may say hey, you know that sounds alot like PTSD? But i say that i just spend way to much time by myself.. You know when James is gone I can easily go two weeks without having any interaction with anyone over the age of five? Think about what that's like for a second. Day in and day out, never really connecting with anyone who can stand up in the shallow end of a pool? This is normally when i have my momentary panics..
But then i buck up, wash the dishes and try to do something fun with kids and realize that Yea, i got this shit! I can do this. My kids are effing amazing (even though they come from two long lines of crazy!) and sooner or later James will get home and it will be nice when he does but nothing is going to crumble without him.

Besides, even on my worst day im pretty good at reminding myself that somebody out there has had it worse.. Like the ladies that had to this kind of shit to keep it together when their husbands were gone.. Because yea, eff that..

Today always sucks..

I hate days like today..

James left for a 2 week trip. The house is a mess. All three kids have been screaming at each other for about 3 hours now.. Im sitting in the studio room trying to ignore them. Im tired and badly need a drink.. Yea i said it, i need a drink! If i felt like loading up the monkeys that are probably destroying my home i would buy them happy meals and then throw them in their beds.. But i dont even feel like doing that.. I think its going to be a peanut butter and jelly with sphagetios kind of night.. (SCREEEECH and something breaking coming from the other room) Yea its definitely going to be that kind of night..

Wish me luck..

All the fat kids

Yep, this is about exactly that..

So The Situation started kindergarten this week. This is first time hes ever really been out of the home for any extended period of time. We've never done daycare, we've never done preschool, not even a regular babysitter. So not only is all this new for Pres its all very new for me..
Last Friday was orientation day so Pres and I made a special trip to the school, just me and him. He had already been registered and met his teachers so we spent the day exploring the school and seeing what we could see.. I was shocked when the first thing i saw, was fat kids..

It was one of the most amazing things i have ever seen.. Literally, i was shocked at how shocked i was. First off, these weren't kids that were big for their age. They weren't tall kids or stocky kids or even chubby kids. These were fat kids..

When i was a kid and i was in elementary school, every class had its one heavy kid. He was the class clown or the guy with a good personality. He was the stereotype. But as i walked through Presley's school last week suddenly, the whole "epidemic of childhood obesity" that i suppose i was blind to before became blindingly clear. I would say half of these kids were overweight and up to a quarter of them were very overweight. To the point they could not wear children's clothing.
Now even I, the homebody who for the most part lives my day to day life completely separate from the mainstream, who has the exact opposite problem with my own children, realize that this is a problem in our country. You cannot exist without noticing the PSA's on television, or the billboards or the signs in the grocery stores even.. Im having a hard time understand how a parent, a grown up, can let a child get to this point?
As parents we look at our children every day, its not like you dont notice this! If you have a brain in your head that can produce rational thoughts, you should be able to recognize how important diet and exercise are!

Now Im not writing this out to be mean so nobody needs to bother with getting defensive.. Im writing this because really, i am shocked! Pres goes to a kindergarten through fourth grade school.. These are not kids who are in charge of their own diet and are clearly left up to their own devices as far as activity level goes.. I understand that people come in all different shapes and sizes and i do NOT equate skinny with healthy. Im Presley's Mom so i know better than to think that but i do know a few things.. Like children who are overweight are more likely (over the course of their entire lives) develop type two diabetes, heart disease, some cancers, joint problems.. But because its children and obesity its waaaay to sensitive of a topic to discuss or ever really address.. I typed "fat kids" in my google search bar and this was the first thing to pop up: Hey Michelle, Stop Picking on Fat Kids.. Really? Really? Our overly graceful First Lady who is tryin to help these kids isnt even allowed to talk about it?

Im waiting for the day that Presley comes home and ask about it..