Bye Mom, Love you..

After two very intense days (and two days of missed school) Presley went back to class today with a few new words in his vocabulary.. It was hard to let him go but i managed to make it back to the truck before i started crying and almost all the way back to our house before i started sobbing.. God i wish i could stop doing that. I hate crying. Its just a reminder that im not as tough as i think i am. It seems as though every few minutes some new and heartbreaking thing that im just gonna deal with, pops into my head and i cant make it go away. Last night i cried for almost an hour because of a piece of paper.. Not just any piece of paper but one that was in the millions of pieces of paper about epilepsy that ive gotten in the past two days. Not real sure why this particular piece of paper hurt so bad. Well i guess i do, its one no parent really wants to every see. It was information on how important it is that i get Presley some type of medical ID bracelet and it listed off a few places i could purchase one. Up until that moment in my life i could always kind of quietly deal with my heartbreak over that lot my son was handed in life because he didnt look any different than any other kid.. Once i put a bracelet on him that changes.. Now he looks different that other kids. Now people that dont even know him, know hes sick..
God i hate this.
The last 48 hours have been about the darkest of my entire life.. Im trying to smile but really i am sad, scared and very, very alone.. James and I going through this away from each other has sucked.. We could really use our Daddy Rabbit right now.. Or i could anyway. Poor Presley is so used to seeing new specialist and having different test done and learning medical words that this is absolutely not even a thing for him..
Okay well i gotta get out of here and head to the pharmacy.. Something called Depakote is supposed to just turn the seizures off.. So were gonna try it starting tomorrow..

geeze, what else..

almost 2 years ago Presley started having (or James and i noticed) these things that sort of looked like panic attacks..
Over time they have evolved and become very distinct.
About 8 months ago James and I both said that they have almost started looking somewhat like seizures. We brought it up to the doctor and like so many doctors involving Presley over so many different things in the past, it was brushed off. They pretty much told us that if they didnt see it happen then they couldnt tell us what it was..
Well about a week and a half ago his doctor FINALLY saw it! She agreed it did look like a seizure so she put in a referral for a neurology consult. While waiting for the confirmation to arrive in the mail we went to the pediatric neuropsychologist (our Asperger doctor) where it actually happened 7 times in 25 minutes, right in front of her.. She immediately got on the phone, made a million calls and got us into see THE pediatric neurologist the next day (this morning)..
Pres had an EEG done (which he handled amazingly!) during which he had 3 separate and distinct seizures..
An hour later im sitting in the office of a guy with rainbow shoes when i heard another one of those cold, scary and unforgiving medical words.. Epilepsy

Presley has epilepsy..

He will start drugs for it tomorrow evening that he will continue to take until he has been seizure free for two years..
Im feeling rather numb right now.. But as the day goes by the panic and sadness i can tell are seeping in.. I could really use James right now..

okay well the smaller boys are up from naps now i so i guess i better get back to pretending nothing is wrong..
Happy faces!

ill write more about this when i have the time and the words..