What was once a desire to raise a houseful of strong southern gentlemen has crumbled into a pink, taffeta mess..
So I'm (at this point) about 90 percent sure that after this child is born i will be done having children and i intend to have some kind of surgical and permanent type of birth control..
If this baby is not a girl, I am never going to have one and I'm going to be quite sad about it..
Yes I'm sure that i could talk James into, whats one more when you've got 12 right? But i know that i cannot physically, emotionally or financially afford another baby.. Besides i could have 10 more babies and still never get a girl.. My grandparents in law had 7 daughters all in a row! 7!!
Ive trained in vain to convince myself that i don't need to have a daughter.. Listen to some of the reasoning Ive come up with..
Some of us were just made to have boys..
I'm not girly enough to have a daughter..
There's too much to worry about with teenage girls..
Having a girl would throw off the whole room sharing situation at our house..
James already has a daughter and i feel like if i had one, it would somehow or another take away the specialness of their relationship.. Hes already got an apple in his eye, he doesn't need two!
I'm not ready to give up my "Mom of all boys" crown and sash..
All the toys, clothes and kid furniture i have is for boys..
All just an attempt to hide the disappointment i know ill feel if i get a hot dog and not a hamburger again!
And its not even some biological driven need for a daughter.. Its her.. What would she look like? What would she be like when shes 5, 10, 25?
You remember those little dancing cheerleader girls? They had that Internet video of them at a competition dirty dancing to "all the single ladies"? Well i see things like that and shake my head.. Those were the people that should not have had daughters.. Its almost a knife in my back every time i see some slut i went to high school with, who still thinks its appropriate to dress like Brittney in a school girl outfit, have a daughter.. or two.. I cringe at the thought that one day, these are the girls that are going to go to high school with my sons.. I want to have a daughter so i can teach her to hunt arrowheads. The teenage girl who changes her own oil (okay maybe not because i don't plan on letting the kids own cars until they are at LEAST 18).. The woman who's read Life on the Mississippi.. The little freckle faced blond who picks flowers..
Aww well I hope you get a girl. Does your Hubby have any Sisters? Because the baby's gender is based of his dna. Good luck!
ReplyDeleteI never found out the gender of my first two kiddos. I wanted the surprise. But when it was round three and my last kid and my last "shot for a girl" which I kept insisting I didn't need or want. I decided to find out.
ReplyDeleteI told everyone I needed to find out so I could have time, just in case it was a girl, to rezone the 3 bedrooms we have.
But that wasn't why. I found out because I too had visions of my baby girl. And her freckles and her stubborn-as-her-momma personality. I knew in my heart it was a little boy in there and I needed time to deal with my sad girlie feelings and then deal with the guilt for even having such feelings when that baby boy was just kicking away in there happy as could be.
I laid there in the ultrasound chair and shut my eyes. The ultrasound tech said, hot dog!. I opened my eyes and yelled- hot dog? what does that mean?!?!?! She said - hot dog - that's a boy!!!
I smiled and bit the insides of my cheeks and made it out to the lobby before the waterworks started. As dramatic as a movie montage, I saw that little girl in her rain boots and plaid skirts and piggy tails fade to black. Embarrassingly enough, I had a whole week of fade to black moments and then I replaced my sad thoughts with thoughts of...
Oh a boy is cheaper - no weddings to pay for.
The girl probably would have looked like me and dealt with being voted the ugliest girl in the 8th grade class and i wouldn't want anyone else to have to deal with that, would I?
I already have all the boys stuff - how easy is that?!?
And ultimately,I'm good at this boy momma thing - a girl would have just thrown a wrench in it with all that estrogen anyway!
And it faded. Pretty quickly after that. And my brood of boys and me are getting along just fine. I imagine it will stay shut up and come out in bits and pieces later like maybe when the boys are much older and I want to go to see some chick flick. Or at prom time when I'm standing in the rent-a-tux shop instead of in a dressing room covered in hot pink tulle.
Until then, I'll keep on keeping on as these boys keep me so busy I don't even have time to wonder anymore!
Take your time Brandy - and have your daydreams! I would say think it all through so you are all ready in June no matter what way that door swings!
abby
We have pretty much decided we're done having kids and it's painful that I'll never have a girl. But you know what? I kinda like being the only woman in the house. I'll deal!
ReplyDeleteOne word: granddaughters. Waaaay more fun. My mom has two daughters and she loves her granddaughter waaay more than she ever loved us. Even admits it herself. lol.
ReplyDeleteJust remember... the grass is always greener on the other side.