So Wilson is almost a year old and our family is coming to a crossroads.
I'll explain.
When Presley turned a year old we got pregnant with River. When River turned a year old (plus a few months waiting for James to get off deployment) we had Wilson. Now Wilson is almost a year old and we're going back and forth.. Okay I'm going back and forth, James is okay with whatever, on whether or not to have another one or to just be done all together..
For some folks the timing or spacing of children may not be that important, to us it is.. We want them to be close together, for a lot of reasons..
The first and foremost being I want my kids to be close.. We're a military family and because of that every few years my children will be asked to pack up their lives. Say goodbye to everyone they know. Move somewhere new and start completely over. At the very least i can give them siblings who are close in age who are going through the same thing, someone they can relate to.
Secondly i don't want to do this forever. I don't want to always have cribs and highchairs and baby gates and elastic waist jeans. I want to have the baby making chapter finished and not bookmarked to come back to later. I don't want to have a 16 year old, a 14 year old, a 12 years old and a baby on the breast. If I'm doing this now I'm going to do it all the way.
Which brings my to my next point. Another one?
I know that some folks are intensely anti-big family. They want their 1.6 kids and that's all. Well that's not what James and I came from. Both of our Mothers are from ridiculous Catholic families with 3 dozen kids (okay maybe not 3 dozen but my grandparents had 9 and James' grandparents had 7). We both have huge extended families with lots of kids, grand kids and now great grand kids and being a part of a family like that is only something you can understand if its something you live. When i was younger i looked forward to family holidays all year long. Seeing all of my cousins, aunts, uncles and wiener dogs. Everybody eating together, hugging, laughing and crying. Ever body being close to celebrate the good times and everybody being close to get us through the hard times. A big family is a beautiful thing and the older James and I get the more we start to look toward the future. What do we want in our lives 10, 20 and 50 years from now. Is it a retirement community in Boca or is it rocking chairs and pipe tobacco on a big back porch while are grandchildren running in the yard.. Well i have a fondness for pipe tobacco and if i want more than 2 grand kids I'm going to need more than one child.. Besides 4 kids is not what I think of as a big family, its a medium family..
Now like I've said, I'm going back and forth on this but this seems to be a good time for it. We've got 2.5 years (at least) left here. I wont be going to school for another 3 years or so. I haven't packed up the highchairs, cribs, baby gates or elastic waist jeans (eh) and i know if i do put these things away, I'm likely to never pull them out again..
So that is where things stand... I am back on my vitamins and taking folic acid and I've got a Dr's appointment in two weeks to make sure I'm healthy and everything is still working the way it should.. Its a big step but its one I'm very comfortable with..
More to come on this subject later..
Sunday, May 30, 2010
Friday, May 28, 2010
No Thanks on the Jesus Meat..
Okay so i posted a link to a story about a teacher who's been fired twice from public schools for leading prayer in the classroom and the comments led to some christians acting ver unchristianly..
Have fun explaining that one to your "god".. yea because your gonna meet him someday.
Remember folks that the same people that taught you about god also taught you about santa claus and the easter bunny.. Stop being sheep and learn to think for yourselves. You know, use those brain cells that you have and actually produce a rational thought..
Stop attacking non believers to feel better about yourself. Really who are you trying to convince of your faith, me or you?
I never said that its absurd that we even let christians vote and teach in public schools (even though thats how i feel because you people are clearly luney), i just posted a link..
So feel how you want, i dont care. Nothing you can say is going to change what i think or how i choose to raise my family. I dont have to be threatened by eternal damnation to be a good person. I make that choice on my own everyday..
Relegion (whether yours or something you find totally absurd) is relegion and all it boils down to is what people came up with to answer questions before we figured out science..
Now i like my life. I have three beautiful (and matching) children. I have an amazing husband who found me good enough to marry. I wake up everyday and fall in love with everything i have and i feel satisfied with my life, I DONT wake up everyday and feel the need to thank some cosmic jew zombie for everything that I have accomplished. Im a big girl and i can do things on my own..
Now i would say that im sorry for being offensive but really, Im not.. At All! Its that old christian double standard. Everything i think is just plain mean and Im supposed to feel bad about that but i have to grin and bare it everytime somebody says they will pray for me? Dont waste your breath, Im good. Ive already met my makers, their names are Jack and MartyAnn and they made me on the hood of a 74 Ford Galaxie..
Have fun explaining that one to your "god".. yea because your gonna meet him someday.
Remember folks that the same people that taught you about god also taught you about santa claus and the easter bunny.. Stop being sheep and learn to think for yourselves. You know, use those brain cells that you have and actually produce a rational thought..
Stop attacking non believers to feel better about yourself. Really who are you trying to convince of your faith, me or you?
I never said that its absurd that we even let christians vote and teach in public schools (even though thats how i feel because you people are clearly luney), i just posted a link..
So feel how you want, i dont care. Nothing you can say is going to change what i think or how i choose to raise my family. I dont have to be threatened by eternal damnation to be a good person. I make that choice on my own everyday..
Relegion (whether yours or something you find totally absurd) is relegion and all it boils down to is what people came up with to answer questions before we figured out science..
Now i like my life. I have three beautiful (and matching) children. I have an amazing husband who found me good enough to marry. I wake up everyday and fall in love with everything i have and i feel satisfied with my life, I DONT wake up everyday and feel the need to thank some cosmic jew zombie for everything that I have accomplished. Im a big girl and i can do things on my own..
Now i would say that im sorry for being offensive but really, Im not.. At All! Its that old christian double standard. Everything i think is just plain mean and Im supposed to feel bad about that but i have to grin and bare it everytime somebody says they will pray for me? Dont waste your breath, Im good. Ive already met my makers, their names are Jack and MartyAnn and they made me on the hood of a 74 Ford Galaxie..
Thursday, May 27, 2010
really... its not that hard
Okay this blog is a bitch..
If your tired of people thinking your a slut, stop going to the bar and having sex with strangers.
If you want your kids to stop being terrible, stand up to them. Theyre children and they need to be disciplined.
Im sorry that your life is SOOOOO hard because your a single Mom. Well guess what, its not the victorian age anymore and pregnancy is avoidable. Use birth control and wear condoms..
Breaking the law is illegal.. Tough.
If your tired of being fat, stand up. No seriously, stand up and run in place for an hour.
If your tired of your kids being fat, turn off the goddamned TV.
If you find this offensive you need to grow up, put your big boy pants on and move out of your parents house...
If your tired of people thinking your a slut, stop going to the bar and having sex with strangers.
If you want your kids to stop being terrible, stand up to them. Theyre children and they need to be disciplined.
Im sorry that your life is SOOOOO hard because your a single Mom. Well guess what, its not the victorian age anymore and pregnancy is avoidable. Use birth control and wear condoms..
Breaking the law is illegal.. Tough.
If your tired of being fat, stand up. No seriously, stand up and run in place for an hour.
If your tired of your kids being fat, turn off the goddamned TV.
If you find this offensive you need to grow up, put your big boy pants on and move out of your parents house...
Monday, May 24, 2010
My Ever Changing Life Long List
Man i love making list..
Okay this isn't really a "bucket list", more like a life list. Things that i want to do, want to see, want to keep doing, things i want to happen before my 110 years is up..
5 kids, all boys if i can do it.
Have a very large (and successful) vegetable garden..
Be there when baby sister graduates from AF Boot camp.
Raise boys with table manners.
Raise boys with respect.
See the USS Arizona memorial..
Raise boys with confidence.
Raise boys without killing them.
Have grand kids one day, alot of them.
Teach James that yes, people do plan families.
Buy and RV and drive to Mount Rushmore
Get the boys closer to James' parents.
Keep moving, I think its healthy to know the world.
Teach the kids German.
Be there when baby sister has babies (she was there for me).
Live to be old, like real old.. Like a super centenarian..
Take the boys to county fairs and show them how to love it.
Take the boys to Washington D.C. and show them how to appreciate it.
Build a house with a gourmet kitchen.
Build a close relationship with my step-daughter and let her know i am there for her.
Show my kids the importance of seat belts and speed limits.
See my nieces no matter where they go in life and let them know i love them.
fix my brother.
Go camping with the boys at least once a month.
See all of our kids do at least 4 years in the service, i wish i had.
Build a house with a big wrap around porch.
Teach the boys to be proud of their heritage.
Show each one of my kids individually how amazing they are and try to never group them together.
Go on a "date" with each of my boys at least once a month..
Build a house with two hot water heaters.
have long silver pigtails..
quit smoking, for good.
master parallel parking, i can do it in a small car but the suburban is a different story.
Pass on to my kids the importance of making list..
get breast implants, big ones.
Learn to juggle.
Have and use a clothesline.
Get braces and finally fix my teeth, this has gone on too long..
rebuild an old car, preferably a 1959 Ford Galaxie 500.
Open my own artsy coffee shop.
Open my own family friendly restaurant.
Go back to No Name Colorado and take pictures, it was beautiful.
Convince my inlaws to move back to Elsbery.
Have sex with James in the woods, completely naked, in the daytime at least twice a year every year until i die, even when I'm a supercentenarian.
Be on a Jury.
Buy Hattiesburg High a bench or something with the inscription "Brandy B. dropped out of this school and can still afford this bench".
Take the kids to the statue of liberty in aforementioned RV.
Always be able to find and/or call A&J Furniture.. Theyre prices cant be beat.
Watch all 2 minutes and 40 seconds of the total eclipse of the sun that will be on August 21st 2017.
Get back in that RV and see all 50 states.. except Hawaii because we'd all drown trying to get there in the RV..
Fly to Hawaii.
Learn to say the alphabet backwards really, really fast.
Teach the boys that dreams don't mean anything until you follow them and money is worthless until you spend it.
Stay out of debt..
Pay for one of those operation smile kids..
See the Northern lights.
Learn to play the bagpipes.
Be able to let the boys go when its time for them to grow up..
Live as simply as i can. Pay the bills, buy the groceries and smile often.
Always remind people to wear their seat belts.
Take pictures and order prints. Its so much more fun to go through a box of old pictures than it is to email and attachment.
Bury a time capsule deep in the woods (somewhere like state forest, protected lands) no where near the roads and write down the gps coordinates. Put those in a safe deposit box and leave the key for my first great grandchild.
Learn to throw a boomerang and then teach the kids to do it.
Get a two hundred pound, ultra lazy dog. Name him Forrest.
Makes the kids bathe Forrest once a week.
Go to the Olympics!!
Learn to surf (also get over ridiculous fear of the ocean).
skydive barefoot.
Walk the Great Wall with all of our kids... (and maybe by then Grandkids)
Research my ancestry on my Dad's side.. Other than they're all dead, i don't know anything about them.
Catch up on laundry..
Take my kids to redbluff.
When i have that house of my dreams with its gourmet kitchen and wrap around porch. I want it to have an outside shower. Maybe on a deck off of my bedroom. Hot and cold water, with a drain so i can shower outside because showering outside is amazing..
Never, NEVER stop being proud of who and what i am because it may offend someone else. This is my life, not yours.. The world never stopped spinning for me..
Okay this isn't really a "bucket list", more like a life list. Things that i want to do, want to see, want to keep doing, things i want to happen before my 110 years is up..
5 kids, all boys if i can do it.
Have a very large (and successful) vegetable garden..
Be there when baby sister graduates from AF Boot camp.
Raise boys with table manners.
Raise boys with respect.
See the USS Arizona memorial..
Raise boys with confidence.
Raise boys without killing them.
Have grand kids one day, alot of them.
Teach James that yes, people do plan families.
Buy and RV and drive to Mount Rushmore
Get the boys closer to James' parents.
Keep moving, I think its healthy to know the world.
Teach the kids German.
Be there when baby sister has babies (she was there for me).
Live to be old, like real old.. Like a super centenarian..
Take the boys to county fairs and show them how to love it.
Take the boys to Washington D.C. and show them how to appreciate it.
Build a house with a gourmet kitchen.
Build a close relationship with my step-daughter and let her know i am there for her.
Show my kids the importance of seat belts and speed limits.
See my nieces no matter where they go in life and let them know i love them.
fix my brother.
Go camping with the boys at least once a month.
See all of our kids do at least 4 years in the service, i wish i had.
Build a house with a big wrap around porch.
Teach the boys to be proud of their heritage.
Show each one of my kids individually how amazing they are and try to never group them together.
Go on a "date" with each of my boys at least once a month..
Build a house with two hot water heaters.
have long silver pigtails..
quit smoking, for good.
master parallel parking, i can do it in a small car but the suburban is a different story.
Pass on to my kids the importance of making list..
get breast implants, big ones.
Learn to juggle.
Have and use a clothesline.
Get braces and finally fix my teeth, this has gone on too long..
rebuild an old car, preferably a 1959 Ford Galaxie 500.
Open my own artsy coffee shop.
Open my own family friendly restaurant.
Go back to No Name Colorado and take pictures, it was beautiful.
Convince my inlaws to move back to Elsbery.
Have sex with James in the woods, completely naked, in the daytime at least twice a year every year until i die, even when I'm a supercentenarian.
Be on a Jury.
Buy Hattiesburg High a bench or something with the inscription "Brandy B. dropped out of this school and can still afford this bench".
Take the kids to the statue of liberty in aforementioned RV.
Always be able to find and/or call A&J Furniture.. Theyre prices cant be beat.
Watch all 2 minutes and 40 seconds of the total eclipse of the sun that will be on August 21st 2017.
Get back in that RV and see all 50 states.. except Hawaii because we'd all drown trying to get there in the RV..
Fly to Hawaii.
Learn to say the alphabet backwards really, really fast.
Teach the boys that dreams don't mean anything until you follow them and money is worthless until you spend it.
Stay out of debt..
Pay for one of those operation smile kids..
See the Northern lights.
Learn to play the bagpipes.
Be able to let the boys go when its time for them to grow up..
Live as simply as i can. Pay the bills, buy the groceries and smile often.
Always remind people to wear their seat belts.
Take pictures and order prints. Its so much more fun to go through a box of old pictures than it is to email and attachment.
Bury a time capsule deep in the woods (somewhere like state forest, protected lands) no where near the roads and write down the gps coordinates. Put those in a safe deposit box and leave the key for my first great grandchild.
Learn to throw a boomerang and then teach the kids to do it.
Get a two hundred pound, ultra lazy dog. Name him Forrest.
Makes the kids bathe Forrest once a week.
Go to the Olympics!!
Learn to surf (also get over ridiculous fear of the ocean).
skydive barefoot.
Walk the Great Wall with all of our kids... (and maybe by then Grandkids)
Research my ancestry on my Dad's side.. Other than they're all dead, i don't know anything about them.
Catch up on laundry..
Take my kids to redbluff.
When i have that house of my dreams with its gourmet kitchen and wrap around porch. I want it to have an outside shower. Maybe on a deck off of my bedroom. Hot and cold water, with a drain so i can shower outside because showering outside is amazing..
Never, NEVER stop being proud of who and what i am because it may offend someone else. This is my life, not yours.. The world never stopped spinning for me..
just a lazy sunday... i mean monday..
Tomorrow is Presley's school physical.. yikes.. I'm really having hard time grasping that this chapter is opening.. Presley has turned into a kid, A KID! He started out so sick and still in his little isolette and now hes a verb on his way into kindergarten.. I sat up all night last night crying over this and I'm not even sure why.. okay I'm exactly sure why. I hated school. It was the worst thing ever. I ended up quitting because i got to the point where one more day was going to be more than i could handle.. I hated it and now its time for my beautiful boy to go.. It may seem silly to some of you (some of you will never understand because for some odd reason you enjoyed school) but i feel like i am forcing my innocent child into being tortured for the next 13 years. I know hes not me and knowing Pres hes going to really enjoy school but that was my experience and that's what i know of it and that's how i feel..
Thursday, May 20, 2010
An old blog
I wrote this a couple of years ago when James was on the boat.. We had our fifth anniversary (seven years together)one month ago and it still rings true..
I love James Because
He makes me laugh but not on purpose
Hes a great Dad
He worries about me
I know if he had too, hed fuck somebody up for me
He gave me two beautiful boys
He made an honest woman out of me
Hes the perfect height to hug
He drives faster when Metallica comes on the radio
He tells me dinner was good, even when it wasnt
He thought i was pretty, even when i was 11 and he was 13
He still thinks im pretty
He'll get up in the middle of the night and go to the store to fetch whatever pregnancy induced craving im having
He cried during the Pantera behind the music
He works hard so i can stay home with the boys
He's a patriot
Hes a republican
He stays home on Saturday night, even if its just to play scrabble with me
He watches Dr. Phil
He bought me the Trailblazer for our Anniversary
He appreciates the beauty of a lazy Sunday afternoon
He bought me my very first guitar
He loves the sound of my typewriter
He drinks coffee as much as i do
He gives the boys a bath and puts them to bed with a story everynight (when hes not on deployment)
He gets up with the boys on Saturday so i can sleep in.
He takes the boys to the hangar to show them off and teach them about F-18s everychance he gets
He thinks our new stroller is cool (its a sit and stand and it kicks ass)
He loves his mother
He thinks its cool that we are competetive gingerbread house builders
He puts me and the boys first, no matter what
Hes never met a stranger
Hes proud of me, for what im not sure but he is
He lets me spoon him
He made 2nd Class in 2 and a half years
He still holds my hand, even if were just standing in the kitchen
He lets me be right
Hes left-handed
He keeps the kids busy and out from under my feet while im cooking
It was important to him for me to breastfeed the boys
He wants to have alot of kids so oneday we can sit on our porch in our rocking chairs and watch alot of grandkids running in our yard
He worships me
He takes pride in what he does, at work and at home
We never have leftovers
He goes grocery shopping with me
He realizes just how lucky we are to have what we have
He misses the rain too
He smiles with his whole face
Hes a good kisser
He can reach the top shelf
He has sexy muscles
He has freckles on his eyelids
Hes generous
He falls asleep when he sits still too long
Know any other man that can fold a fitted sheet?
I wake up in the middle of the night to find him just watching me sleep (in a romantic, loving way and not in a crazy way)
One of his best guy friends is a girl (yes its you, i know your reading this ^_^)
|If one of the boys has a bad dream, he'll go sleep in their room in case it comes back
My dad loves him and trust me thats hard to do
Hes got a great butt
His best friends like me
He gives me back rubs
He loves Maggie
He promised to let me die first, so i never have to live without him and right now that ones really important, im holding him to it..
He wakes me up at night to tell me he loves me
He talks to my mom like their old friends, i mean, i know they kind of are but still..
He pics on my accent
Without realizing it, he plays air guitar on MY arm
We still take showers together (when hes home and not on the boat where he gets to take showers with all kinds of people)
ADD is great for getting chores done
he makes the same face i do when we see somebody elses kid being bad as hell in the grocery store
He wipes the bathroom sink down after he shaves
He smells good, somewhere between Aqua Di Gio (?) and jet fuel
He changes the oil
He goes to the boys Dr.'s appointments with me
He thinks i look good in a straw hat
He says "dang" alot
The fact that im completely nuts doesnt bother him at all
He thinks my family is hilarious and is proud to be a part of it
Okay well this could go on for days and its getting late so im just gonna stop here and maybe ill pick back up later..
so yea
I love James Because
He makes me laugh but not on purpose
Hes a great Dad
He worries about me
I know if he had too, hed fuck somebody up for me
He gave me two beautiful boys
He made an honest woman out of me
Hes the perfect height to hug
He drives faster when Metallica comes on the radio
He tells me dinner was good, even when it wasnt
He thought i was pretty, even when i was 11 and he was 13
He still thinks im pretty
He'll get up in the middle of the night and go to the store to fetch whatever pregnancy induced craving im having
He cried during the Pantera behind the music
He works hard so i can stay home with the boys
He's a patriot
Hes a republican
He stays home on Saturday night, even if its just to play scrabble with me
He watches Dr. Phil
He bought me the Trailblazer for our Anniversary
He appreciates the beauty of a lazy Sunday afternoon
He bought me my very first guitar
He loves the sound of my typewriter
He drinks coffee as much as i do
He gives the boys a bath and puts them to bed with a story everynight (when hes not on deployment)
He gets up with the boys on Saturday so i can sleep in.
He takes the boys to the hangar to show them off and teach them about F-18s everychance he gets
He thinks our new stroller is cool (its a sit and stand and it kicks ass)
He loves his mother
He thinks its cool that we are competetive gingerbread house builders
He puts me and the boys first, no matter what
Hes never met a stranger
Hes proud of me, for what im not sure but he is
He lets me spoon him
He made 2nd Class in 2 and a half years
He still holds my hand, even if were just standing in the kitchen
He lets me be right
Hes left-handed
He keeps the kids busy and out from under my feet while im cooking
It was important to him for me to breastfeed the boys
He wants to have alot of kids so oneday we can sit on our porch in our rocking chairs and watch alot of grandkids running in our yard
He worships me
He takes pride in what he does, at work and at home
We never have leftovers
He goes grocery shopping with me
He realizes just how lucky we are to have what we have
He misses the rain too
He smiles with his whole face
Hes a good kisser
He can reach the top shelf
He has sexy muscles
He has freckles on his eyelids
Hes generous
He falls asleep when he sits still too long
Know any other man that can fold a fitted sheet?
I wake up in the middle of the night to find him just watching me sleep (in a romantic, loving way and not in a crazy way)
One of his best guy friends is a girl (yes its you, i know your reading this ^_^)
|If one of the boys has a bad dream, he'll go sleep in their room in case it comes back
My dad loves him and trust me thats hard to do
Hes got a great butt
His best friends like me
He gives me back rubs
He loves Maggie
He promised to let me die first, so i never have to live without him and right now that ones really important, im holding him to it..
He wakes me up at night to tell me he loves me
He talks to my mom like their old friends, i mean, i know they kind of are but still..
He pics on my accent
Without realizing it, he plays air guitar on MY arm
We still take showers together (when hes home and not on the boat where he gets to take showers with all kinds of people)
ADD is great for getting chores done
he makes the same face i do when we see somebody elses kid being bad as hell in the grocery store
He wipes the bathroom sink down after he shaves
He smells good, somewhere between Aqua Di Gio (?) and jet fuel
He changes the oil
He goes to the boys Dr.'s appointments with me
He thinks i look good in a straw hat
He says "dang" alot
The fact that im completely nuts doesnt bother him at all
He thinks my family is hilarious and is proud to be a part of it
Okay well this could go on for days and its getting late so im just gonna stop here and maybe ill pick back up later..
so yea
Tuesday, May 18, 2010
creative in the kitchen
I think everybody likes the food that their Mama cooks..
Well my kids might never be satisfied with their future wives cooking because their Mama watches the food network waaaay too much..
Last night we had fried chicken, cabbage and black eyed peas. Pretty normal as far as the soul food that us G.R.I.T.S. are accustomed to. The night before we had breakfast for dinner, another one of my favorites..
Well tonight we are having chicken wrapped asparagus and whole wheat penne pasta with broccoli and alfredo sauce.. Last night i was listening to Charley Pride, tonight its the Ramones..
Haha I think i may have domestic bipolar disorder!!
Well my kids might never be satisfied with their future wives cooking because their Mama watches the food network waaaay too much..
Last night we had fried chicken, cabbage and black eyed peas. Pretty normal as far as the soul food that us G.R.I.T.S. are accustomed to. The night before we had breakfast for dinner, another one of my favorites..
Well tonight we are having chicken wrapped asparagus and whole wheat penne pasta with broccoli and alfredo sauce.. Last night i was listening to Charley Pride, tonight its the Ramones..
Haha I think i may have domestic bipolar disorder!!
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