The American Dream

Day 7

2011-08-28T22:01:00.001-05:00

Day #7. A picture of your most treasured item..

hmmm.. Okay (this is not including the kids or stuff like that but) my most treasured physical possession is..

My celadon elephant that James got me in Thailand.. I LOVE this little guy! Before James left for deployment he asked what I wanted him to get me from overseas, I told him something green.. He came home the next year with it. It was perfect! My favorite color, my favorite animal. He really surprised me (no offense James) in putting actual thought into what to get for me. Searching it out. I cried at the sight of it. I knew it was something that i would treasure for the rest of my life. I cried every time James had to leave after that but the sight of this little guy reminded me that James was thinking about me..

I cried really, really hard when i walked into our living room to see Presley had climbed 6 feet to the top of the entertainment cabinet, gotten it down and was slamming it into the floor. Shattering it.
I spent two weeks trying to glue it back together.. I still have it and it still kind of looks like an elephant.
It took every bone in my body to keep me from beating him to death with the broken pieces of it..
It now sits on a plant ledge about 10 feet up, holding up some encyclopedias..

Id like to see that little shit try to get it down now!

Day 5

2011-08-28T01:57:00.003-05:00

Day 5. A picture of your favorite memory..

Is it even possible to take a picture of a memory? Maybe if i think real hard about something and take a picture of myself.. Hmm..

We'll skip this one because its impossible.. On to the next day

Day 6. A picture of a person you'd love to trade places with for a day

(Thats little me by the way)

Oh if i could.. And know what i do now.. I would go back and put a stop to a few things.. Nothing i really want to go into detail about, just things.. But things that have had a profound impact on who i am today, what im capable of and how i feel about myself..

Im a smoker

2011-08-27T18:13:00.002-05:00

You know what?

I smoke!

I smoke Camel Filters (in a box, 99s) and i have for quite some time. I smoke quite often, up to a pack a day..

You know what bothers me more than most things in life?

When some uppity dip-shit feels the need to tell me that cigarettes are bad for me.. Like i have managed to live my entire life and some how or another miss that bit of crucial information..
Its written on the side of the box, i know how to read. Thankyou..
Yes i know they are going to kill me. Im very well aware of the fact that im going to die one day. In fact, im so sure of my own death that ive already made arrangements for it. If i want to die by drowning in my cancerous mucous then thats my problem.. I can promise you (ass hat) in the Walmart parking lot that your dirty look and smart ass comment arent going to stop me from smoking. It actually makes me want to light up another one so i can walk really close to you and share some of my nicotene.
You clearly need it..
Im glad that you hate cigarettes or smokers in general. I hate pretentious douche bags that feel entitled to the right to judge my life because you walked past me.. So its a good damn thing im me and you are you..

Have a nice day now..

I should do this more often..

2011-08-26T21:29:00.001-05:00

Everyday 15 or so things to blog about pop in my head. My handbag is full of little scraps of paper with blog topics written on them!
I cant remember the last time i actually blogged..
I think i started some number of things to blog about project but im awesome at starting a project and NEVER finishing it.. Unless of course its for somebody else.. Cards, gifts, happies.. Those things i can finish without a problem. Two days after i found out i was pregnant, i started knitting a babies blanket for future Finneas. Hes 16 weeks old today and i havent even finished the first skein and its only a 6 ounce skein!! But my girlfriend is due with their (combined) 4th boy in a few weeks and im already almost done with hers..
I make all the excuses. Im busy. Im tired. There arent enough hours in the day. The boys got into my crafting supplies and teepeed my house with yarn and hid all my needles and hooks.. I tell myself they arent excuses but reasons..
The reason i've stopped blogging is my PC is in my bedroom. Finn's crib is also in my bedroom. My typing wont wake him up but me sending one of the bigger boys out of the room every few minutes will. Also, Wilson has a very "out of sight, out of mind" view on Mommy law. The moment he realizes im not in the room he goes buck wild!
So heres my plan. Im going to be stupid for a week and relocate my computer to the living room. I know this is almost an open invitation for the children to destroy my computer but a few weeks ago i turned my studio room into a play room for the boys so they have pretty much vacated the living room. So this may work.. We'll see!

Too much time to think..

2011-04-29T15:09:00.003-05:00

So my water broke at 31 weeks and 6 days.. I have now been laying in the bed in the hospital for 5 days and im driving myself crazy..
This isnt exactly how i had planned the last few days of my childbearing years but I guess I'll take what i can get..

Bill Lumbergh (from Office Space) is my doctor..

The nurses station has little snacks and drinks for patients (like most do) but for some reason this one has soda.. Is soda really what we should be offering people in need of health care? And while were on the subject, Sierra Mist Naturals? Whats so damn natural about a lemon lime carbonated beverage?

Unicorns and glitter!!

Ive never really been a big fan of television.. For the most part the only thing on TV i truly enjoy is Jeopardy. After being layed up in this bed for a week, I REALLY dont like television. My brain feels dull.

You know how much i love my kids? The boys dumped an entire bag of grass seed in my veggie garden and i dont really care. The grass its growing is beautiful, makes the veggies look like weeds..

Though i dont go to church (or believe for that matter) Its weirdly comforting that this is a Catholic hospital with statues of flying nuns all over the place and im staying in a place called the Seton Center..

Rolling around in a wheel chair is not as fun as it used to be.

I miss noise. All this quiet is weird. No screaming little boys, nothing breaking. No Blue Angels circling my house. I know peace and quiet is soothing for some people, for others though.. Its stressful.

You know that expression "when it rains, it pours"? Since Ive been in the hospital we learned that Wilson is severely allergic to ant bites. The poor little dude is covered from head to toe in wicked hives from a bite on his foot..

I miss my dudes so much. Ive never been one of those Moms that cant stand to be away from their children. Hell yea ill take a break when i can get it! But I've never had to be away from them this long. Im on the end of my fifth day in the hospital and im really starting to miss the little things about each of them. I miss Presley's questions, I miss River's snuggles and I miss Wilson's little words (hes learning a new one about every hour)..

Ive got a great view of the parking garage and a few strips of the parking lot next to it. Im starting to think the driver's license exam should be harder.

When you use the expression "hot as balls in here", docs look at you weird..

Today with my lunch i got gatorade in a can.. It was weird!

There are two things that women tend to do that drive me crazy.. The first is complain that they dont have a man (gag, vomit, deal).. And the second is women who have kids complain that they dont get a break or dont have a babysitter.. Yea, you had kids.. Tough..

As horrible as it sounds, Im so ready to have this baby.. I know everyday he stays inside is two less days he'll have to stay in the NICU. I know its not time for him to be born, i know hes small.. But i cant lay in this hospital for another month! I feel like an old dog that needs to be put down because of bad hips. Im achy and sore and sick and damn tired of the inside of this room. I miss my house. I miss my kids. I miss being barefoot in my kitchen. I had plans for this week damnit! Presley's spring break ends soon and hes got to be back at class on Monday. My Mom came down the day my water broke and her and James have been taking shifts at the hospital with me but she has to leave on Monday then James will have to stay at home full time with the kids and that leaves me up here by myself (yea pity party i know..).. I have no idea how im going to make this work if i have to stay here..

Okay well im gonna go walk to the coffee pot (the only thing im allowed to walk to) and maybe something amazing will happen..
Thanks for reading the ramblings of a crazy lady..
Next post: The ferret family

Day #4

2011-03-10T16:27:00.003-06:00

Day 4. A picture of your favorite night..
Well i really dont like night time. It makes me feel un-productive, so i wouldnt really have a favorite night.. So then i guess it becomes a competetion of cool things that happened at night..
So Wilson being born wins it..
(Presley was also born at night but his birth was scary and painful and it had only just gotten dark when he was born..)
I was pretty sure i was in labor when James got off work..
I knew i was in labor when i left the grocery store..
Hard labor by the time the kids were bathed and at the baby sitter..
At 2:40 am Wilson was born in a quiet, dimly lit, peaceful room to his Father and I with just the Doctor and the Nurse who left a few minutes later.. It was beautiful. We named him and I nursed him and then the three of us took a nap..

My first two births were very hectic.. There were about 15 people in the room when Presley finally came and Maggie flew out to be with us when River was born (who came so fast the Doctor almost missed him!).. So just me and James in a quiet room was quite different..

Day #3

2011-03-09T14:39:00.003-06:00

Day 3. A picture of the cast from your favorite show..

Okay this is easy..

ER changed my life yall.. That was MY show! When Dr. Mark Greene died, i literally threw up because of all the emotion. I spent many years wanting to be like Abby. I cried through every episode of the last season because I knew i was going to lose 15 seasons worth of friends.. I really think my love of ER would fall under the jurisdiction of an addiction because really did affect my day to day life.. I wouldn't answer the door if a knew episode was on!
And then it ended..

I still don't have another show that i make a point to watch..

Day #2..

2011-03-08T11:45:00.005-06:00

Day 2. A picture of you and the person you have been closest with the longest..

This question doesnt really make much sense..
The closeset or the longest?
So heres what fits best for both..

(hehe, i look taller than her in both of those pictures.. Im not, not even close!)

Maggie is my sister and my best friend. She was born about a month after i turned three so we've been pretty close for a pretty long time now..
Ive missed her alot since she left for Air Force training and i get sad thinking that it will probably always be a long drive and a special occasion to get to see her now.. I feel like i JUST got her back! I lived on the other side of the country for soo long. We finally managed to live less than an hour away from each other and she leaves for basic.. But thats the life. As soon as she gets done with training and gets settled at her duty station it will be time for us to PCS again anyway.. I suppose were both grown ups now with lives and husbands so its not like either of us has a lot of "hang out" time. But there will always be things in life that only she will get. Like indian brushes with blackberry paint or what Malibu Barbie smells like..

30 pics

2011-03-05T17:02:00.002-06:00

Okay.. So I've been a little down in the dumps lately and all of my blogs (as few and far between as they have been) have been pretty negative..
So I'm doing one of these cheesy blog challenges.. It'll get a few post up and maybe convince the world I'm not about to throw myself off the roof..

Day 1. A picture of yourself with 15 facts
Day 2. A picture of you and the person you have been closest with the longest
Day 3. A picture of the cast from your favorite show
Day 4. A picture of your favorite night
Day 5. A picture of your favorite memory
Day 6. A picture of a person you'd love to trade places with for a day
Day 7. A picture of your most treasured item
Day 8. A picture that makes you laugh
Day 9. A picture of the person who has gotten you through the most
Day 10. A picture of the person you do the most messed up things with
Day 11. A picture of something you hate
Day 12. A picture of something you love
Day 13. A picture of your favorite band or artist
Day 14. A picture of someone you could never imagine your life without
Day 15. A picture of something you want to do before you die
Day 16. A picture of someone who inspires you
Day 17. A picture of something that has made a huge impact on your life recently
Day 18. A picture of your biggest insecurity
Day 19. A picture and a letter
Day 20. A picture of somewhere you'd love to travel
Day 21. A picture of something you wish you could forget
Day 22. A picture of something you wish you were better at
Day 23. A picture of your favorite book
Day 24. A picture of something you wish you could change
Day 25. A picture of your favorite day
Day 26. A picture of something that means a lot to you
Day 27. A picture of yourself and a family member
Day 28. A picture of something you're afraid of
Day 29. A picture that can always make you smile
Day 30. A picture of someone you miss

Okay say Day #1, here we go..

#1 I was born and raised in Hattiesburg Mississippi, I take great pride in being A Southern Woman.
#2 In approximately 3 months i will give birth for the fourth time, bringing into the world my fourth son..
#3 The largest elephant in recorded history weighed 24,000 pounds and was 13 feet tall at the shoulders. (24,000 pounds is more than an empty F/A-18C/D)
#4 I just really do not like Jimi Hendrix.
#5 I'm seemingly confident as a parent from a distance but once you get closer its easy to see these kids will need years of therapy.
#6 I have known James for 16 years. James and I have lived together for over 7 years and we have been married for 6 years (next month is the 6 year mark anyway)..
#7 Technology has ruined manners and made America's children fat and stupid. I would throw the TV away if James would let me..
#8 Seven out of every ten children with epilepsy will never know just why they have seizures..
#9 The older i get the more I'm pretty sure I'm supposed to be left handed.
#10 The smell of yellow Jessamine on a spring day in the South will stop me in my tracks.
#11 I hate change.. Mostly because i suck at it.. I like things the way they are..
#12 Before it was Scrabble, it was called Lexiko..
#13 My all time favorite song is Midnight Train to Georgia by Gladys Knight and the Pip.. Get it Gladys!
#14 ASD affects around 1 in 110 kids. Sometimes the signs aren't so blaringly obvious. It can be hard to spot in very high functioning kids and show differently in girls.. If something seems off to you, ask your doc and don't stop until you get answers!
#15 I am a Navy Wife through and through. I am the Queen of squared away. I know what goes in a Sea Bag. I know how to survive deployments and detachments. I know what MWR, NMCRS, FFSP, TSP, PCS and DeCA stand for. I know the difference between away and aweigh. I know where to put the patches (and i can do if faster than those uniform shop bitches). I know my place in our family. I know my place in the Navy (not in a sea bag). Mostly though, i know i love my husband and i am thankful that his career has opened many doors for our family..

Bye Mom, Love you..

2011-02-18T08:06:00.002-06:00

After two very intense days (and two days of missed school) Presley went back to class today with a few new words in his vocabulary.. It was hard to let him go but i managed to make it back to the truck before i started crying and almost all the way back to our house before i started sobbing.. God i wish i could stop doing that. I hate crying. Its just a reminder that im not as tough as i think i am. It seems as though every few minutes some new and heartbreaking thing that im just gonna deal with, pops into my head and i cant make it go away. Last night i cried for almost an hour because of a piece of paper.. Not just any piece of paper but one that was in the millions of pieces of paper about epilepsy that ive gotten in the past two days. Not real sure why this particular piece of paper hurt so bad. Well i guess i do, its one no parent really wants to every see. It was information on how important it is that i get Presley some type of medical ID bracelet and it listed off a few places i could purchase one. Up until that moment in my life i could always kind of quietly deal with my heartbreak over that lot my son was handed in life because he didnt look any different than any other kid.. Once i put a bracelet on him that changes.. Now he looks different that other kids. Now people that dont even know him, know hes sick..
God i hate this.
The last 48 hours have been about the darkest of my entire life.. Im trying to smile but really i am sad, scared and very, very alone.. James and I going through this away from each other has sucked.. We could really use our Daddy Rabbit right now.. Or i could anyway. Poor Presley is so used to seeing new specialist and having different test done and learning medical words that this is absolutely not even a thing for him..
Okay well i gotta get out of here and head to the pharmacy.. Something called Depakote is supposed to just turn the seizures off.. So were gonna try it starting tomorrow..

geeze, what else..

2011-02-17T15:14:00.003-06:00

almost 2 years ago Presley started having (or James and i noticed) these things that sort of looked like panic attacks..
Over time they have evolved and become very distinct.
About 8 months ago James and I both said that they have almost started looking somewhat like seizures. We brought it up to the doctor and like so many doctors involving Presley over so many different things in the past, it was brushed off. They pretty much told us that if they didnt see it happen then they couldnt tell us what it was..
Well about a week and a half ago his doctor FINALLY saw it! She agreed it did look like a seizure so she put in a referral for a neurology consult. While waiting for the confirmation to arrive in the mail we went to the pediatric neuropsychologist (our Asperger doctor) where it actually happened 7 times in 25 minutes, right in front of her.. She immediately got on the phone, made a million calls and got us into see THE pediatric neurologist the next day (this morning)..
Pres had an EEG done (which he handled amazingly!) during which he had 3 separate and distinct seizures..
An hour later im sitting in the office of a guy with rainbow shoes when i heard another one of those cold, scary and unforgiving medical words.. Epilepsy

Presley has epilepsy..

He will start drugs for it tomorrow evening that he will continue to take until he has been seizure free for two years..
Im feeling rather numb right now.. But as the day goes by the panic and sadness i can tell are seeping in.. I could really use James right now..

okay well the smaller boys are up from naps now i so i guess i better get back to pretending nothing is wrong..
Happy faces!

ill write more about this when i have the time and the words..

Some days i just want to scream

2011-01-24T19:18:00.002-06:00

I try, very hard, on a daily basis to not complain..
I hate whiny women.. Okay i hate whiny people in general..
I realize that being satisfied with your life is a decision you make everyday and pretty much everything you have, you gave yourself.. You know that whole "you made your bed and now you gotta sleep in it thing". I'm a big fan of self-reliance..
All of these are reasons why i try not to complain. This and i just cant stand the sound of people bitching once they get past the age of 4 or so. Once your an adult you should have accepted the basic understanding that life is hard.. and pretty much shitty..
Pretentious, cynical.. Whatever, I've been called worse and today I'm about to bite somebodies head off..
Its been a long couple of weeks in this house and I'm a little bit worn down..
I need a break (this is where other peoples bitchin comes in).. I am soooo fucking sick of hearing my Mom friends bitch that they only get out of the house once a month or so.. James and I have been married 6 years and in that 6 years we've gone out, on a date, without kids three times.. Yea your once a month is sounding pretty good next to my once every 24 months. I don't play my military spouse card very often (because it happens to be something I'm quite proud of) but my husband has been gone for half of our marriage (i really don't know where we found the time to make these kids!) and we don't (never have and probably never will) live anywhere near family and friends who could maybe help me out. Not that i would ask..
I hate hearing women bitch about how they had to take their kid to grocery store with them.. Aww, hmm, bless your heart.. Try taking 3 (soon to be 4) kids with you because your spouse is on a different continent. And while your there you have to keep the babies fed, dry and happy, keep the three year old from melting down and keep explaining to strangers why the five year old is making weird noises with his eyes rolled back in his head..
Ah but i cant complain for some reason.. James is in the military and most people have the attitude of well, he knew what he signed up for (but wait, i have great health insurance).. Yea because that makes it easier on the children. The children, yes i know what causes that too.. And sure i could take a break, go out, relax.. Because there is just a world full of babysitters who i trust that can handle hyperactive aspie with tourettes..
Im bored, lonely, pregnant and i miss my husband..
Did i mention that for the last 6 days all of the children have had fevers and bright green ninja turtle ooze dripping from their faces?

okay.. I think all i have succeeded in doing here is putting myself in a worse mood so im going to stop now..
Putting my happy face back on and maybe tomorrow wont suck.. But hey even if it does, i probably wont say anything..

You ever wonder if those people who have strokes from being under immense stress realize thats whats happening when it happens?

wishin' and hopin' and thinkin'

2011-01-19T07:58:00.003-06:00

Okay so strangely enough, the tables have turned..
What was once a desire to raise a houseful of strong southern gentlemen has crumbled into a pink, taffeta mess..
So I'm (at this point) about 90 percent sure that after this child is born i will be done having children and i intend to have some kind of surgical and permanent type of birth control..
If this baby is not a girl, I am never going to have one and I'm going to be quite sad about it..
Yes I'm sure that i could talk James into, whats one more when you've got 12 right? But i know that i cannot physically, emotionally or financially afford another baby.. Besides i could have 10 more babies and still never get a girl.. My grandparents in law had 7 daughters all in a row! 7!!
Ive trained in vain to convince myself that i don't need to have a daughter.. Listen to some of the reasoning Ive come up with..

Some of us were just made to have boys..

I'm not girly enough to have a daughter..

There's too much to worry about with teenage girls..

Having a girl would throw off the whole room sharing situation at our house..

James already has a daughter and i feel like if i had one, it would somehow or another take away the specialness of their relationship.. Hes already got an apple in his eye, he doesn't need two!

I'm not ready to give up my "Mom of all boys" crown and sash..

All the toys, clothes and kid furniture i have is for boys..

All just an attempt to hide the disappointment i know ill feel if i get a hot dog and not a hamburger again!
And its not even some biological driven need for a daughter.. Its her.. What would she look like? What would she be like when shes 5, 10, 25?
You remember those little dancing cheerleader girls? They had that Internet video of them at a competition dirty dancing to "all the single ladies"? Well i see things like that and shake my head.. Those were the people that should not have had daughters.. Its almost a knife in my back every time i see some slut i went to high school with, who still thinks its appropriate to dress like Brittney in a school girl outfit, have a daughter.. or two.. I cringe at the thought that one day, these are the girls that are going to go to high school with my sons.. I want to have a daughter so i can teach her to hunt arrowheads. The teenage girl who changes her own oil (okay maybe not because i don't plan on letting the kids own cars until they are at LEAST 18).. The woman who's read Life on the Mississippi.. The little freckle faced blond who picks flowers..

Just Another Day Older..

2011-01-14T19:52:00.003-06:00

January 14th has come and gone once again and I am another year older..

Weird..

I don't feel any older but I'm pretty sure that's only because i felt old as hell to begin with..

This year I,
lived in Sunny Florida,
bought a newer model of the same SUV that i rolled around in when i was a kid,
got handed some big scary medical words over Presley,
planted my very own unsuccessful vegetable garden,
swam in the ocean,
mowed the lawn for the very first time,
watched Wilson start walking,
have been a fancy Blue Angel's wife,
reconnected with Hattiesburg,
started eating sushi,
understood what "not 16 anymore" really means,
loved James even more than i did last year,
got pregnant with my FOURTH child,
sent my first born off to Kindergarten,
switched from Coke to Dr. Pepper,
missed California (I know right?),
realized that the older i look, the more handsome James will become,
have been tired,
realized the older i get, the harder pregnancy becomes,
watched my baby sister go off and do something with her life,
went on two dates with James (2! that's like a record!),
have really started to appreciate quiet,
found out what stress really feels like and
a bunch of other stuff..

Also this year i learned that no matter how old i get, somebody 15 minutes older than me is going to refer to me as a baby and tell me i wont be old until im their age..
The same goes for my kids.. This year i went through the impossibly hard task of sending "the situation" off to kindergarten and everybody tried to make me feel better by saying "wait until your kids in the third grade" or "i just sent my baby off to college".. Guess what folks, that doesn't help..
Ive learned that its always something.. isn't it?
Ive learned paying utilities sucks..

Weirdly enough this year I've stopped fearing thirty.. I'm actually excited about it!(?)
okay well the alarm bell is going off (that's code for at least two of the kids are screaming) so better be on my way..

American dream.. Yours or mine?

2010-12-26T16:02:00.002-06:00

The American Dream, that old American ethos. What does it mean today? To me? To you?
Is it apple pie, picket fences. Is it a middle class family with 1.6 kids or couple in their eighties celebrating their 60th wedding anniversary?

James Adams wrote that the "It is not a dream of motor cars and high wages merely, but a dream of social order in which each man and each woman shall be able to attain to the fullest stature of which they are innately capable, and be recognized by others for what they are, regardless of the fortuitous circumstances of birth or position."

Martin Luther King Junior wrote "when these disinherited children of God sat down at lunch counters they were in reality standing up for what is best in the American dream and for the most sacred values in our Judeo-Christian heritage, thereby bringing our nation back to those great wells of democracy which were dug deep by the founding fathers in their formulation of the Constitution and the Declaration of Independence."

I think it may be simpler.. I think the American Dream is in every moment, good or bad..
I think most people come into adulthood with these beautiful dreams of what life will be like (wouldnt it be nice if we were older....) and on the other hand we have what life turned out to be.. I think we are happiest in the moments that fall in between, there is where you will find the American dream..

If i have to hear it one more time..

2010-11-03T16:49:00.002-05:00

Ah yes, I'm pregnant again.. And even though this is my fourth pregnancy in 6 years people still feel the need to throw their opinions about anything and everything into my face along with every stereotypical and stupid comment you can make to a woman who is expecting..

So i am responding..

YES, Oh my god, yes.. I know what causes this.. Clearly i built my family by clicking my heels together and wishing really hard.
Seriously this is how it always goes..
Hey, we got some great news the other day.
Yea, whats that?
James and I are going to have another baby!
Oh.. you know what causes that right?
I mean for once could i get a congratulations. Yes i acknowledge that my husband and i have carnal knowledge of each other. Yes i know that is how children are conceived. Yes that is one of the many reasons (many reasons) we do it..

No, this was not (i repeat NOT) a surprise (or accident or oopsie).. I am an adult woman who has a brain. I understand that as a woman of reproductive age, contraception is something that i must think about and practice. Unless my husband and I have comfortably and securely made the decision to let nature take its course and try to conceive.
Because lets face it.. Your either trying or your not. Not, not trying (not using contraception) is indeed trying to get pregnant..

How am I going to handle it all?
Well, its not like I'm giving birth to the incredible hulk so i think i can manage.. The same way i managed when i had one child, or two, or three. Just because you couldn't imagine it all (to the lady with no kids) doesn't mean that some families don't thrive. And no (to the lady who has one bad as hell kid) I am not crazy. I don't very often say it out loud but I'm a damn good Mom! and James is one damn good Father and Husband. Believe it or not, its not bedlam around here. At this moment dinner is in the oven, Presley is sitting at the island in the kitchen quietly doing his homework and James, River and Wilson are snuggled under the green blanket (that i crocheted myself) watching Top Gun.. Its actually quite peaceful..

Yes my hands are full. So is my car, pantry, linen closet, freezer, garage, junk drawer, glass of tea... I have alot of things that are full. But my heart is fuller than all of them combined..

Yes, your right. It probably is better me than you.

NO! I'm not trying for a girl. I'm trying for a fucking giraffe.. This one really bugs me. Why do people assume that because i have sons that i must be having a fourth child so i can have a girl. Amazingly enough folks, i don't need to have a daughter. If anything, a boy would really save me a ton of cash because we have everything set up for boys.
If this child comes into the world with indoor plumbing, Its not like I'm going to need therapy. I will be just as excited for a hamburger as i would a hot dog.. I'm just getting a little tired of people telling me that i need to have a daughter.

And the last one.. And probably the one that is the most personal that people just feel freely to discuss.
You know what, I'm not sure if I'm having my tubes tied after this or not. I may decide that this chapter in my life is over or i may decide to travel down this road again some day. I'm not really sure yet.
I know that I've leaned toward completion with this pregnancy but in all honesty its only because everybody and their fucking Mother is telling me that's what i need to do.. Yes, I've got more than 1.6 children. No, I'm not trying to have my own TLC show. What difference does it make to anyone else? We're not of welfare, food stamps or WIC. Our kids are well behaved. They say please and thank you, they don't put their elbows on the table. I can think of alot of people who shouldn't have ANY children and for damn sure shouldn't have any more.. But i wouldn't say anything to them. So why then, do people feel so free to say to me "Geeze another one? When are you gonna get James fixed?". Fixed? James isn't broken and if I didn't want to be pregnant, I wouldn't be pregnant..

Okay.. Well i guess that's enough pissing and moaning for one night. I better go anyway, that chicken isn't gonna fry itself!!

This was a good idea?

2010-11-01T16:44:00.002-05:00

Wow i haven't "blogged" in a while..

So lets catch up eh?

Okay so we pulled the goalie.. Or actually the goalie committed suicide. My IUD jumped out of my cervix 4 days before my appointment to talk to my doctor about having it removed anyway. I guess so me folks just cant handle rejection.
So me, the fertile Myrtle, got pregnant a few minutes later.. Well maybe a more than a few minutes but within the next few weeks i got two pink lines, a blue plus sign, two red lines and a phone call from a lab tech saying i had a low (but detectable) amount of HCG in my blood.. A week later i got another phone call from the woman who was to arrange my prenatal care. She seemed very concerned over just how low the level was, so she ordered another blood test which came back reassuringly high..
So there was that.. I'm knocked up, with child, in a family way, with a delicate condition or very, very pregnant with my 4Th child since 2005.. However you want to look at it..
Morning sickness came in and kicked my ass. Hormones made me crazy and lack of calories made me exhausted.. Plus we all had a touch of the flu to make things just that much better!! All of that equals a dirty house and Momma doesn't give a shit today.. Sorry kids, we're not getting dressed and Moms not getting off the couch.. Right in the midst of that when i really thought.. WHY DID I DO THIS?? What was i thinking?? 4 kids? Brandy are you insane? You cant handle three kids and the flu!! That karma thing people keep talking about, showed up.. I started bleeding. A lot. I went to the ER and noticed through the panic that i was cramping too..
Okay i thought, i know what this means.. I also know that I've been through worse and I'll be okay.. After an exam, blood test and ultrasound it was determined that this kid is a tough one because he was amazingly enough, still in there! He was a little small.. About 11 days smaller than he should have been which would have normally been a big concern but seeing as how i had very low HCG levels.. It seems like i just conceived a little late in my cycle and everything is fine.. So far.. Its still very early on but I'm feeling good about it.. Physically i feel like barfing but emotionally I'm feeling good..
Oh yea, my new due date from my ultrasound is the same due date i had with Presley, June 21st (though he came a few hours early and landed on June 20Th) so what are the chance of that??

If i have to be green, I wanna be OD

2010-10-04T08:50:00.011-05:00

Ive never really been a "green" person. Im a child of the eighties.
We are living in a material world and I am a material girl. Im a consumer, its the culture i was brought up in. I did not invent the internal combustion engine but i take great advantage of it. I grew up with drive-thrus, plastic and PCs and have never really given it a second thought.
That is, until recently.. You know that oil spill that everybody freaked out about? The one that (as far as facebook was concerned) was worse than a planetary collision and nuclear winter, the one that killed every living being on the face of the Earth.. You know, the one nobody talks about anymore? Well since that happened I've really been thinking alot about what I'm leaving behind for my kids and my grand kids.. How much of a consumer I actually am..
I drive a gas guzzler.. I know that, hell I've got two of them but not because i choose too but because i have a growing family and they don't make electric full size SUVs.. There really isn't anything i can do about that but I'm realizing there are alot of things that i can do.. Every little bit helps right?? Reduce, reuse, recycle!! Waste not want not!! I recycle all the paper, plastic and cans that come through this house. I consciously try not to buy things that i don't need.. I wont buy the kids cheapie plastic toys (that cant be recycled) no matter how much they beg just so they can end up broken in my yard tomorrow. Of course that has less to do with being responsible and more to do with i don't want a bunch of broken fucking toys piled in my yard, it looks trashy.. Anyhoo, now I'm on the next step. Reusing. Im completely addicted to these blogs or shows about old stuff that gets turned into something new and useful and amazing instead of ending up in a dump. So here lately I've been really trying to take stock of what i own and instead of buying something new, seeing if i cant re purpose something into what i need..
I thought i would share with you the past few weeks examples..

The first one isn't really anything super or even creative for that matter but a few weeks ago we painted Presley's room and I wanted to get him a new dresser that went more with the look that we were going for..
This is what he had before. Its actually a dresser from when i was a kid and lets just say this thing has been through the war!!

So i sanded it down, painted it, put a clear enamel on it so it would maybe have a chance of surviving Presley and put some new pulls on it and i think it came out looking pretty good for the first thing that I've ever sanded before!!

By the way, sanding totally sucks..

Okay the second one is my little compost bin that I'm super proud of!! Up until now I've just kind of had this heap next to my garden that i piled yard debris, paper and kitchen scraps on and occasionally would stir up with a shovel.. I didn't need much, I'm kind of a crappy gardener but James and I have been overhauling the yard this summer and now we're trying to get it all ready for the winter so maybe, just maybe, it'll look decent by next summer.. Looking decent includes doing something with my pile of decomposing organic matter. Meanwhile, in my garage I've had some old baby gates sitting around.. really i wanted to just throw them away because they were cheapies anyway but they're too big to fit in my garbage can and if its not in the can, they wont pick it up. Yea i never said i wasn't lazy! So i had flash of creative process and came up with this.. It lifts right out of the ground and its the perfect size for what i need..
Its probably only going to last until next spring but whatev's.. it works for now..

Okay the last one is carpet, lots of it.. My neighbor across the way (one of the bazillion other people that also owns a Trailblazer) re carpeted his house last week so James walked over and asked if he could have the some of the old stuff and padding to sound proof the garage (don't all people have rock bands living in their garage?) so he gladly gave James some of the bigger pieces that would work for what he needed.. He also happened to give James a few feet of the new carpet that was left over. I saw it and immediately thought about how for the last few weeks Ive been contemplating buying two of those things that sit underneath car seats. They're made to protect the seat itself, if you've got upholstery you'll be okay for a while but if you've got leather (like the Suburban) you need them.. River and Wilson's car seats have been trying to stab holes in the center row of seats for a while now.. Especially River's because i just put his slouchin' behind back in a five point harness and he's a little bit heavier now than he was when he came out of it.. So here we have under car seat protectors via my neighbors new carpet installation!!

Ignore the crayon in the picture, it managed to elude me when i was vacuuming the other day..

I guess necessity is the mother of invention!

You're good enough, You're smart enough..

2010-08-31T20:11:00.004-05:00

There are some days when my life scares the ever living shit out of me.
Okay maybe not days but moments where suddenly it hits me that I am NOT the person that needs to be doing this.
For example, earlier this evening Presley and I were sitting at the table working on writing his whole name and when we got to our last name he said "this is a hard word Mom" and for about 2 seconds i went into a panic thinking that i am the LEAST patient person on the face of the Earth, why am I teaching a small child to write. Dear God, I am responsible for teaching another human being our written language??? I don't think I would be capable of explaining this to a grown up with a high IQ let alone a small child with a learning disability!! But then i looked down and he had written it perfectly and had gone on to draw what he said was the USS Presley Joe..
Or the moment before i go to sleep at night when i suddenly remember that i forgot to turn on the alarm clock and i manage to shake myself awake, get up and turn it on. Its in that moment when i think Fuck Brandy! You just about completely forgot to turn on the alarm clock? That is the easiest part of your entire day! Presley would have been late for school and probably missed some super important lesson on String Theory, what kind of Mother does that?? Oh shit I'm a mother!! I am solely responsible for three living, growing, learning beings. Their health and their happiness are direct results of decisions that I make and looking back.. Ive had my moments of some pretty pitiful decision making.. But then i tell myself that i guess i must be doing something right, they are all still alive so that counts for something. No one has starved to death or been struck by lightening yet.. And for kids whose existence is half way made out of me, they're pretty well adjusted I'd say. They have manners, they don't talk back or dart off into traffic. They're pretty self reliant. They make happy plates and they don't put their elbows on the table.. And then i get back in bed, satisfied that the alarm clock is on..
Some people may say hey, you know that sounds alot like PTSD? But i say that i just spend way to much time by myself.. You know when James is gone I can easily go two weeks without having any interaction with anyone over the age of five? Think about what that's like for a second. Day in and day out, never really connecting with anyone who can stand up in the shallow end of a pool? This is normally when i have my momentary panics..
But then i buck up, wash the dishes and try to do something fun with kids and realize that Yea, i got this shit! I can do this. My kids are effing amazing (even though they come from two long lines of crazy!) and sooner or later James will get home and it will be nice when he does but nothing is going to crumble without him.

Besides, even on my worst day im pretty good at reminding myself that somebody out there has had it worse.. Like the ladies that had to this kind of shit to keep it together when their husbands were gone.. Because yea, eff that..

Today always sucks..

2010-08-25T18:00:00.003-05:00

I hate days like today..

James left for a 2 week trip. The house is a mess. All three kids have been screaming at each other for about 3 hours now.. Im sitting in the studio room trying to ignore them. Im tired and badly need a drink.. Yea i said it, i need a drink! If i felt like loading up the monkeys that are probably destroying my home i would buy them happy meals and then throw them in their beds.. But i dont even feel like doing that.. I think its going to be a peanut butter and jelly with sphagetios kind of night.. (SCREEEECH and something breaking coming from the other room) Yea its definitely going to be that kind of night..

Wish me luck..

All the fat kids

2010-08-23T14:47:00.010-05:00

Yep, this is about exactly that..

So The Situation started kindergarten this week. This is first time hes ever really been out of the home for any extended period of time. We've never done daycare, we've never done preschool, not even a regular babysitter. So not only is all this new for Pres its all very new for me..
Last Friday was orientation day so Pres and I made a special trip to the school, just me and him. He had already been registered and met his teachers so we spent the day exploring the school and seeing what we could see.. I was shocked when the first thing i saw, was fat kids..

It was one of the most amazing things i have ever seen.. Literally, i was shocked at how shocked i was. First off, these weren't kids that were big for their age. They weren't tall kids or stocky kids or even chubby kids. These were fat kids..

When i was a kid and i was in elementary school, every class had its one heavy kid. He was the class clown or the guy with a good personality. He was the stereotype. But as i walked through Presley's school last week suddenly, the whole "epidemic of childhood obesity" that i suppose i was blind to before became blindingly clear. I would say half of these kids were overweight and up to a quarter of them were very overweight. To the point they could not wear children's clothing.
Now even I, the homebody who for the most part lives my day to day life completely separate from the mainstream, who has the exact opposite problem with my own children, realize that this is a problem in our country. You cannot exist without noticing the PSA's on television, or the billboards or the signs in the grocery stores even.. Im having a hard time understand how a parent, a grown up, can let a child get to this point?
As parents we look at our children every day, its not like you dont notice this! If you have a brain in your head that can produce rational thoughts, you should be able to recognize how important diet and exercise are!

Now Im not writing this out to be mean so nobody needs to bother with getting defensive.. Im writing this because really, i am shocked! Pres goes to a kindergarten through fourth grade school.. These are not kids who are in charge of their own diet and are clearly left up to their own devices as far as activity level goes.. I understand that people come in all different shapes and sizes and i do NOT equate skinny with healthy. Im Presley's Mom so i know better than to think that but i do know a few things.. Like children who are overweight are more likely (over the course of their entire lives) develop type two diabetes, heart disease, some cancers, joint problems.. But because its children and obesity its waaaay to sensitive of a topic to discuss or ever really address.. I typed "fat kids" in my google search bar and this was the first thing to pop up: Hey Michelle, Stop Picking on Fat Kids.. Really? Really? Our overly graceful First Lady who is tryin to help these kids isnt even allowed to talk about it?

Im waiting for the day that Presley comes home and ask about it..

Presley's big day

2010-08-23T14:47:00.006-05:00

So much to write about, so badly need a nap..

Well today was The Situation's first day of school and it was weird.. It was like i was watching it all unfold instead of being an active participant..

It started out not so great. Captain ADHD had to stand watch last night and he got off work this morning just in time to see me and the other children pull back up in the driveway after dropping the big man off.. So yea, he pretty much missed the most important trip in our son's life since the one on the way home from the NICU by about 9 minutes.. Other than Daddy Rabbit missing it, the drop off went pretty smooth. He kept making sure the whole trip there that we were just going to drop him off and we were NOT going to get out of the car.. Because that is what we wanted, we did just that. I pulled up, he unbuckled himself, a teacher helped him open his door and they walked off down the corridor together.. After that i put the bat mobile and managed to make it off school grounds before i started crying and i was pretty proud that i had finished them up before the one red light in between here and there..
I got back to the house around the same time the Capt. did. He came inside and went straight to sleep. The little boys and I played around for a little while and then it was the babies nap time so he laid down. Then it became painfully obvious that River is going to have a harder time than i ever could have imagined without his big brother around.. First he was hungry an hour after breakfast and then he didnt want to go outside and he didnt want to play.. He just wanted to sit on the couch, watch top gun and eat... Not cool... So against his will i made him go outside and play, you know, like a kid? He sat there with his face on the sliding glass door whining.. so yea naptime for him too.. It was only 10 AM!
What does a haggard housewife who hasnt had a quiet moment to herself in five years do when its only 10 AM and shes temporarily not responsible for anybody awake? Shower? sounds nice but didnt need one.. Eat something that doesnt end in oh's? thats a thought but not hungry.. Take a nap? you bet your sweet ass thats what she does!! I crawled in my bed and slept til noon.. It was amazing! And amazingly enough, not a single phone call from the school saying that the fire department was there and we weren't welcome back..
So then the time comes to go and pick him up.. Me, the littler dudes and Daddy Rabbit load up in the truck and drive to the school (its really only 2 miles from our house) and get in the line of cars waiting to pick up their young'ns from the their first days.. As we pull up i didnt see Pres in the crowd of children, hes kind hard to miss. The teacher sees his name written on the paper in the appropriate place and calls for him but James and I know he wont answer, because hes not in there (by there i mean the small corral for the car riders). So we pull up and out of the way and wait.. After two or three minutes of hearing them call his name with no answer James gets out to let them know that if calling didnt work the first time, its because hes gone.. So James and coach start the search, within a few minutes a few other teachers have joined in and they basically figure hes not outside anywhere or they hope because theyve looked everywhere that is outside but still in side of the school.. So they start looking through every classroom and after a few minutes they find him in a room of kids for an afterschool program.. He and James walk back to the truck and we head home..
Through all of this, the normal Mom in me wanted to panic.. How is my child just missing?!?! But the Mom that has been taking care of Presley all these years somewhat expected this.. Part of me wants to scream at every employee in the district and have somebody's job for this.. This could have been much worse. His school is surrounded by woods, a busy road and a large body of water. What if this had been a truly special needs child getting lost in the confusion of the first day? But the Mom of Presley comes out and rationalizes.. Presley doesnt look any different than any other kid but I know very well that he can disappear faster than any other kid.. I warned his teachers and his school officials about Presley, repeatedly about some of his behaviors and that hes not a bad kid, hes quite eager to please actually he just needs slightly more vigilant supervision.. I guess like so many other people who should have taken me as a Mother more seriously, they did not..

But tomorrow is a new day and hopefully it will go smoother.. I guess we'll see

My old person room.

2010-08-22T20:58:00.002-05:00

Last weekend we had some buddies come to town and stay with us for 2 days.. While they were here a friend of mine told me that my bedroom looks like an old person's room..
Is that a really weird thing to say or what?
My bestie Stephanie, who has a way of explaining things for me, told me its because my furniture matches, my bed is made and the towels in my bathroom are folded and on a rack for towels, made for a bathroom.. Okay i thought, Josh is single and doesn't have any kids so i really doubt he makes his bed or folds his towels.. But i don't really think those things make me an old person. Hell I'm only 26! I just like having the option of using a fresh towel. Which i only do about once a week anyway. Really if your only using it when you get out of the shower and your bathing yourself properly, your towel should last a while.. I normally keep two hanging up. One for my hair and one for the rest of me. If i used two clean towels every day that's 60 towels a month and that's alot of wasted water and electricity.. But anyway, back to the bathroom.. Its kind of weird that Josh said my room reminded him of an old persons room because for the last 5 years or so, every time i go in my bathroom when its cold outside it distinctly smells like the bathroom that was off of the master bedroom at my Mimi and Papa's house on Pinnacle Drive. My Mimi's bathroom.. When i was younger i used to love going in her bathroom because she just had gobs and gobs of make up and a million bottles of perfume, make up mirrors, hair rollers and a hundred different hairbrushes and my totally manly super fabulous cousin Josh who would do my hair and make up in there.. I loved the way that room smelled. I used to think that it smelled like that because of all the stuff she kept in there.. I mean really 50 tubes of brightly colored department store lipstick, the stuff that in my opinion was the fancy kind, nothing you could buy at Walmart. But my bathroom is nothing like that. Next to my sink is a cup for my toothbrush and a satin hands set. Next to James' sink is his razor, some shaving foam and a cup for his toothbrush. In between is a basket with mouthwash and toothpaste and other daily use stuff that i just don't want cluttering up the counter.. I have a make up box but i never really use it so it stays put up under the cabinet.. The only thing my bathroom and Mimi's bathroom have in common is bleach. We're both pretty big fans of bleach. If you want a really clean bathroom, Clorox can be your friend. The weird thing is, the smell that i keep talking about doesn't smell anything like bleach.. It smells like waking up at 5 AM for no apparent reason when its 45 degrees in the house and 110 outside, coming downstairs to your grandparents who have clearly been up for an hour, eating breakfast then hugging your perfectly made up grandmother who's hair is done and is wearing one of the hundreds of shades of Estee Lauder or Clinique lipsticks, picked to perfectly match what shes wearing that day (that no doubt also came from a department store).. I so idolized her as a child and i still do.. Everyone should have a Mimi like i do. Now that I'm an adult woman with a family of my own, i realize i will never be the kind that buys lipstick from a make up counter at a department store.. I'm really not the kind that wears lipstick and i also don't think i will ever have an intercom in my house.. Yea they had one of those. They were pretty popular when they built that house. But i will always carry with me the other things i take from my Grandmother. How to give good hugs. How nice it is to have home canned foods in the garage. How to love and how to forgive. How to be an elegant southern woman and most importantly, how to smell good..

Things i have learned since becoming a parent..

2010-08-14T20:59:00.002-05:00

Of the many things my children have taught me, I thought I'd share a few..

If your kid colors on his walls with your eyeliner pencil you might as well build a new house because there is NO paint on the face of the Earth that will successfully cover that shit up.. Also, I have to start keeping a padlock on my make up box..

Washing and drying pissy clothes will not necessarily get the piss smell out..

DVD players will not play corndogs... or anything else after that..

You can never really childproof your house..

Time out is the biggest load of crap i have ever heard of.. Unless maybe your timeout spot has a seat that is bolted into the wall and has a five point harness.. Mine doesnt so i prefer to go about things the old fashioned way.

Being specific is really important.. Like instead of saying "Goodnight baby, sleep well" you should say "Good night baby, sleep well, dont take apart any furniture, leave your doors attached to the walls, leave the electrical outlets alone, stay inside the house, stay away from the microwave and have sweet dreams!"..

It is perfectly acceptable to laugh at your kids for being retarded.. You've got to have a sense of humor about things.

Children can and will climb a 6 foot tall entertainment cabinet to get the celadon elephant that your husband got you in Thailand, the one and only gift he ever put any real thought into getting you, just to shatter it into a hundred pieces..

You should just accept your stretchmarks.. I refer to mine as war wounds i got when fighting the good fight..

You can only be responsible for the effort, not the outcome..

Breastfeeding is important and it IS good for baby but it is NOT the beautiful bonding moment those lactation consultants make it out to be..

Running around naked screaming like a banshee must be fun as hell!

I can survive and do well on 3 hours of sleep a week. Really, anything after that is just an opportunity for your kids to get into the pantry and destroy your home..

It feels good, and i mean REALLY good to see other people not be able to handle what you handled.. Okay that one sounds spiteful but you gotta understand The Situation was not an easy breezy kid starting at around age 2.5 until.. well he went to sleep a few hours ago and i heard alot of everything from "boys will be boys" to "he just needs more discipline" and i gotta say it has made my heart glow to watch those people's sweet little babies turn into soul destroying monkeys.. I hope those kids break ALL their parents elephants from Thailand.. or whatever..

I have learned alot of good things too.. Like how fun it is to run through the sprinkler when its hot as balls outside. How good it feels to watch your child figure something out on their own and what it feels like to be unconditionally loved. I have learned that its the little things in life that really make life worth living and nothing is sweeter than a sweaty headed little boy bringing me a flower (or kumquat off the neighbors tree that hangs over the fence)..

And on a side note, today River said "Mommy, i love you more than F-18s" and Presley jumped right in and said "yea well Mommy i love you more than F-22s"!!

The Situation

2010-08-12T19:40:00.002-05:00

That's what I'm going to refer to Presley now, The Situation..

Today has been a really, really long day.. Today was the day that we took Presley up to his school to meet his teachers. It went... well it just went about as well as i thought it would.
As soon as we walked through the front door we had to walk past the toy box they keep next to the school nurses office (so far the only thing in his school he's ever seen) and because he didn't get to stop and play he started crying and whimpering, which if you know Pres, you know is something he does quite alot.. This was not a good foot to start our trip to the school on. We make it back to the kindergarten wing and hes gone into semi-panic mode. Semi-panic mode is the place where Pres spends about three quarters of his life. I get a clipboard full of paperwork to fill out and we walk on to the classroom. There we are met by two of the most pleasant women, clearly bred to be kindergarten teachers and they and Pres sit down at the table and start to talk. This is where Presley goes into full blown panic mode (otherwise known as our good old friend Asperger)... These super patient ladies are asking him questions about his colors and shapes, which he knows, in english and in german and he stops making the little bit of eye contact he does make starts doing his stimming breathing thing he does. He goes into what i call Haze gray and underway. He starts spouting off random facts about airplanes and quoting Top Gun (which his teacher thought was HILARIOUS).. I was heartbroken.. I see this brilliant kid who could explain how our eyes see color, not be able to tell his teacher what color the bear is because hes too busy flapping his hand in his hair.. I have been horrified for the last three months that this would happen and today it did..
I know that Presley is a little bit different than other kids but up until the last week or so I've had the Mama Gump attitude about it... If god intended everyone to be the same, he'd of given us all PDD.
Now I'm not so sure.
I'm trying to stay positive and tell myself that i just need to give him some time to get used to it and when he does he'll show everyone how brilliant I know he is. We'll show them!

I could use a little backing up though. Right now my whole life starting to feel like that moment when you take a big swig off your cup of coffee and realize that its cold.

I've got a handful of great friends who i feel like really listen to me.. Okay I've got two that i know i can lean on, that i can call whenever i need somebody to take me seriously as a Mother when it comes to Presley. I'm not desperately trying to reach out through a guilt trip right now. I'm just heavy with Mommy worry over something that alot of people in my life don't take very seriously. Hell i just got captain ADHD (James) to look and realize that this is real. Its really happening in our family and it really happened to our son.
If i have to hear one more person who only sees my kid 3 times a year tell me that his behavior is normal, or all kids go through this I'm going to fucking scream.. You know The Situation is five years old now and still doesn't sleep through the night? That's a milestone that most babies hit before they are ten months old, well my kid is five.. You know he cant ride a bike? not even one with training wheels, not even pedal a tricycle because of problems with proprioception and apraxia..

Okay.. I need to stop, I'm not accomplishing anything..

I'm just having one of the bad days of Motherhood, you know the ones we don't tell people about. The ones we all pretend don't happen and the ones we wouldn't dare tell our expecting friends about.. On the outside today was an amazing day, today i took my oldest boy to meet his very first teacher but on the inside i hit rock bottom, trying not to think about how hard some parts of life will be for my beautiful boy..

unslumping yourself is not easily done

2010-08-10T14:04:00.003-05:00

boo hoo, woe is me.. I'm having a pity party, would you like to come?

So I'm blue.. Funny, i never really get this way. Or at least when i do I'm pretty good at figuring out why and fixing it.. See? problem solved!

But this time i cant seem to put my finger on it.. I know that it has something to do with Presley going to school in two weeks (13 days to be exact) but i don't know what it is. Whatever it is, its bringing me down. I'm damn near in a full blown depression over it..

Okay i know that its tough when your babies go off to kindergarten (duh) but I've thought through everything about the entire situation and none of the rational, practical reason are whats bothering me. Its not that my baby is growing up. Presley is my big boy. He's always been the older brother, the big kid. Also, Presley is smart as a whip so in many ways I've always treated him like hes older than he is. There are days when even I have to remind myself that he is only five years old.. Its not that I'm going to miss him.. because really.. I'm not.. He'll be gone from just after seven to early afternoon each day and the thought of having all that free time, i don't know what I'm going to do with myself.. Yea I've got two smaller kids here but River and Wilson are pretty easy dudes to hang out with. Presley is my guy who has always needed a constant eye so with him in the safe arms of his teachers i know i will be able to relax.. Maybe even take a shower at a time other than 1 AM!! Its not that i worry about how Presley and all of his hyperactive impulsive aspieness will handle school.. We will build that bridge when we get to a river, worrying about it does no good so i don't bother with the wasted energy.. I pretty much treat life like that though. I'm not a worrier, its waste of time being anxious over things that you have no control over..

For the life of me i cant figure out why I'm so blue over this..

I'm starting to wonder if it has nothing to do with this at all. Maybe I've been so swept up with the boys and all of their endeavors these last few years that I've somehow swept something else under the rug.. Wow now that I've written that it makes much more sense..
A few weeks ago i started going back to the head shrinker.. Which i have avoided like the plague for most of my adult life because there are some things i just don't like to think about. and now that I'm back.. I'm thinking about them.. Which i shouldn't be because I've got alot of other stuff to think about right now.. Okay maybe that's the attitude that got me in this slump..

Whatevs.. Ill be over this in a week or so and ill be ready to start my new chapter, school aged kids!

me? complain?

2010-08-04T18:19:00.010-05:00

Alright.. So it seems that alot of my blogging isnt so much blogging but me naming off things that i think are retarded..

So to counteract my negativity, here's a list of things that i love about my American life.

For starters, my boys. I have the best kids! They are perfect for me and i couldnt not have any bettr if i had picked them out of a catalog. Its like each of them is a side of me, made into an entire person.

My James. He is an amazing man who stands up for what he believes in and cares deeply for his family.

Lantanas.. Any color and the ones that are not trimmed, that just grow wild are the best.
The smell of garlic on my hands. It means ive been cooking and i love to cook, especially with garlic. That smell reminds me so wonderfully of my grandmother. I possess a sensory processing disorder (I wouldnt call it a disorder, im very sensitive to light, sounds and smells. All of which i attach emotion to, yes even different kinds of light)so alot of my favorite things have to do with light, sound and smell.
The fact that people pull over and stop for funeral processions. In a weird way i feel honored when i get to do that and it is something i take very seriously.. If you dont, your a douche and i swear to whatever kind of god that is up there that if some douche tries to cut in front of my funeral procession i will haunt that motherfucker until he dies..
I love the USO.

I love the way flowers smell (particularly yellow jasmine, 4 o'clocks, gardenias and honeysuckle). I find the older i get the more i enjoy flowers..

I love fall. It is by FAR my favorite time of the year. I get to wear the kind of clothes that i like. I get to make and jar soups and stews, drink hot tea. I love the way the wind smells in the fall. Like dried leaves and the way a handmade blanket feels.

I love having red hair.. Though I am NOT a ginger, my sister is and my green eyes and freckles make me seem as though i should be.
I love getting to wear levis and wifebeaters with a straw hat. That was pretty much my uniform until i started having kids then the wifebeater look wasnt so good for me but im working on it and ill be rocking one again soon!
I love to hook, bind, web, purl, cable and weave..
yea im a dork.
I love driving my suburban. It may be a gas guzzling dinocinterator and liberals may hate everything about it but i love it. It utilitarian, big and black and cast a forward presence. Its well insured and almost payed for. It fits my entire family and all of our groceries. It can pull a boat and it puts me in a good mood..
I love big families. Some people think the duggars are nuts but i think they are amazing. I say if you want them and can afford them.. By all means have them. My grandparents had nine children and some of my best memories are of my entire family getting together. I have three children and I am not done..

While we are on the subject. I love being pregnant! Hell, im the weirdo that thoroughly enjoys being in labor.. When i was having River it went freakishly fast, 3 hours start to finish with a 9 pounder and i almost felt cheated because it went by so fast! I smile and secretly envy every pregnant woman i see. I really cant wait until its my turn again..

hint hint James..

The experienced Mom

2010-08-03T19:32:00.002-05:00

I now have three children. I have had three completely different pregnancies, labors and deliveries. Each responsible for three very different little boys. In the five years since our oldest boy was born, James and I have faced a host of different situations (for lack of a better word). We have over come many obstacles and climbed many hills. Everytime that we think the have seen it all, one of the boys blows us away with something new!
Since we have been back in the South East and close to our family and friends, i have been reminded time and time again that in my circle I am now the "experienced" Mom. This used to send me into a blind panic.. Now i see it as truth, of course i am not as "experienced" as say my Grandmother who raised 9 children and was married for over fifty years but in my close group of friends.. Yea im that Mom.. I know alot about alot of kid and baby stuff and i know how to not panic..
But im finding it hard to not be jaded. With the exception of a few folks, Im finding i have to make a physical effort to not roll my eyes and sigh when listening to women my age talk about their lives.. Now im not saying im better or better at anything than anyone else. In fact im quite aware of where i stand in the line of Moms and Women around me. Im capable but i could be better, we all could.. But I'm still a woman and somedays i just want to scream QUIT YER BITCHIN to the world.. I am so sorry that your kid doesnt sleep but it in all likely hood its probably your fault.. And in the rare chance that your kid has some weird medical condition that keeps him from sleeping, deal. Thats part of being a Mom. You didnt sign up for 20 years of restful nights. If your kid wont drink from a cup, STOP giving them the bottle. If your kid freaks out without his pacifier, stop shoving it down his throat everytime he cries. If your thirty year old son cant seem to move out, change the locks.. You think your baby is bad now? Give it a few years.. HaHaHa(evil laugh)... Im so bitter.. Okay maybe bitter is not the word but when a houseful of human beings have flown into the world with absolutely no regard for the thing that they shredded on their way here (that thing that used to be your vagina) then you too can get mild to moderately aggravated as hell by people pissing and moaning over things they should realize are nothing to complain about or are things that are their own fault..
Like, how about instead of saying out loud in front of your child what a douche bag your babies daddy is.. Stop having unprotected sex with losers..

A cool shade of Jonathan

2010-08-03T19:05:00.002-05:00

I painted my studio an orangey brickish color and i love it.. Oh and im calling it a studio now. When we first moved in it was the dining room, that clearly what this room was intended to be but for some reason there is carpet in here. Beige carpet. So we traded where dining room table for the computer desk and walah, office. It stayed the office for a while because really its only purpose was to house my nine hundred pound antique office desk and the filing cabinet. But now 6 months later it is also home to my sewing desk, paints, easels, yarn, hooks, needles, scraps, notions and other things that unless a person owned, they wouldnt know what it was by name alone so now this room is my studio. It is not exactly the studio ive always dreamed about but it has big windows and now its a very cool shade of jonathan orange.. Okay Jonathan is my old roomate who has an affinity for certain shades of orange..

Speaking of Jonathans. I am now related to one!

Yes it is true, this past Sunday my sister became the proud owner of her very own husband! They had a lovely wedding and they are currently on their honeymoon.. I am currently fighting the urge to call her. Maggie is normally someone i spend at least an hour a week on the phone with (and trust me, for me that is A LOT!) but i am going to let her enjoy her first week of holy matrimony without me blowing her phone up. My new Brother in law is a guy named Jonathan. He seems cool enough, honestly i dont know him all that well but i trust my sister's ability to judge character and if she likes him.. loves him, then i do to..

The best parts of life

2010-07-30T19:22:00.002-05:00

The best parts of life always remind me of my Grandparents.

I was in my backyard earlier this evening after a dinner made almost entirely out of yellow squash. Everything was wet because the boys were playing in the sprinkler. The cicadas, frogs and crickets were loud as hell and the air was sticky with humidity. I was slicing watermelon to dole out to the little guys, River was particularly excited. I looked around to see where James was and for a second i was a little girl again. Sitting on the back porch of my Mimi and Papa's house, after the rain having watermelon with my family in the sticky humid air, listening to the bugs..
I used to think those were the best days of my entire life.. and they were, until now.

A Few Random Things..

2010-06-23T19:39:00.003-05:00

When i was on my way to drop off James at the hangar (I was driving down Blue Angel Parkway) and The Blue Angels flew right over us in the diamond formation.. I looked over at my husband (who was in his Blue Angel uniform) and i couldn't help but say out loud "Goddamn i love my life!"..

I stayed up late making pulled pork sandwiches and got up early to have them at the hangar for our guys (and gals) to eat before they left.. They probably weren't great because i made them last night and they sat in the fridge till 5 this morning when they got set out but didn't get eaten until 10.. But hey, sometimes taking even the smallest steps to being an active part of your spouses career can make being a military wife that much easier... and who doesn't like a barbecued sandwich??

Presley has decided that his swing set is actually a battleship and its the coolest thing ever.. Imaginative play (pretend play) doesn't come naturally to Pres and its been great seeing him sail the seas and get the bad guys for the last week.. Also out of the blue about 3 weeks ago, he started eating again.. and eating ALOT!

I have successfully grown pink eyed purple hulled peas in my garden, hopefully they will produce all summer. Ive got about 20 pods worth drying in my pantry right now and they are going to be delicious!

Was going to have James' windshield replaced but (after calling and cancelling yesterday) the guy brought the wrong windshield!! I'm like WTF.. how many different windshields could there possibly be for an 07 trailblazer?? So putting off driving to Hattiesburg for another day.. But its gotta get done because Maggie and The J-Hoff are driving that truck to New Orleans in a couple of weeks and for some reason (okay well i know the reason but don't feel like explaining it all) it doesn't dry very quickly and you cant see out of for almost an hour after it gets wet at all!!

This morning before we took James to work (I always drive him there when he goes on trips so his truck is at the house and not sitting at his work for however long) James stuck his head in Presley's room and said "alright buddy, time to get going" and Presley said "DAD I was trying to get the baby out of my tummy before you interrupted me!!".. I think by being pregnant his entire life i have warped my oldest child and here i thought i was helping him by giving him siblings!!

I discovered Etsy and Im hooked...

Okay thats enough for now..

My Dad

2010-06-19T12:11:00.002-05:00

Jack Webster Broome Jr. .. or wait, don't you become The Second when the Senior dies? I'm not sure.. Either way, in our house he goes by Grandpa Jack most of the time now that Ive made him a Grandpa.
Okay maybe Nick made him a Grandpa first but I've always heard that its different when your daughter becomes a mother as apposed to your son becoming a father.. Either way it goes, its still weird that my Dad is a grandfather..
I have so many things in my life that make up who i am that i can thank my Dad for, so many i don't even know where to start.
I've always been a Daddies girl and i guess i can thank my Mom for that. When i was little my Dad worked off shore so when he would come home it was kind of a big deal. We would have to get the house clean and buy groceries and get everything perfect for Daddy to come home. I remember going to the terminal to wait for his plane to get in, sitting in the orange vinyl chairs, eating m&m's out of the quarter machine and getting a canned soda out of the old school coke machine. Most of the fleeting memories i have of early childhood involve my Father. I remember that he could sit me on one shoulder and my little sister (Maggie) on the other shoulder and walk around with us, i felt 10 feet tall and i KNEW that my Dad must have been the strongest man in the world because he could carry us both. My Dad knew everything when i was kid (not in the sarcastic way that most young people think of their parents but in the smart way), he still is one of the smartest people I've ever met. He had read every book i had ever heard of and been to every place i could think of. Those thoughts on my Father have influenced my life greatly. My Dad loves to read and has taught me to love reading and enjoy learning, he has taught me that its important to see things, to travel. These are things that I'm trying to give to my children.
My Dad showed me how to shoot a gun, how to change a tire, how important handwriting is. He preached to me the importance of first impressions and punctuality.. Most importantly he taught me that if i don't like something, change it. There is not a man, woman or child on this Earth that can MAKE me do anything, I have to want to do things myself..
The morning i found out i was pregnant with Presley was not exactly the best day of my life (that's for another blog). First i told James, it didn't exactly go well (also another blog) then i told my Mom and didn't get the response that i needed.. So i went to work almost in a blind panic because i knew that my Dad was going to come by at some point to stop in and see me, i knew i had to tell him.. If you've ever met my Dad you know hes not the kind of man you want to tell that his twenty year old unmarried daughter is pregnant.. But i did and amazingly enough, it was one of the best moments of my entire life. He put his arm around me and said "are you happy?" I said yes.. I think i am, not real sure how I'm going to do this but theres no point in being unhappy.. He looked at me and said "Well, if your happy, then I'm happy. Congratulations".. That was the very first congratulations i got on my pregnancy that eventually turned into the flaxen haired green eyed boy coloring at the dining table right now..

My Dad has given me alot of things over the years. Some great and some not so great but he had a hand in molding me into the opinionated, socially awkward, mildly stern woman i am today and i like who i am..

Thank you Dad, for everything. I love you..

"The" List..

2010-06-03T18:03:00.001-05:00

Man i love making list..

Okay this isn't really a "bucket list", more like a life list. Things that i want to do, want to see, want to keep doing, things i want to happen before my 110 years is up..

5 kids, all boys if i can do it.

Have a very large (and successful) vegetable garden..

Be there when baby sister graduates from AF Boot camp.

Raise boys with table manners.

Raise boys with respect.

See the USS Arizona memorial..

Raise boys with confidence.

Raise boys without killing them.

Have grand kids one day, alot of them.

Teach James that yes, people do plan families.

Buy and RV and drive to Mount Rushmore

Get the boys closer to James' parents.

Keep moving, I think its healthy to know the world.

Teach the kids German.

Be there when baby sister has babies (she was there for me).

Live to be old, like real old.. Like a super centenarian..

Take the boys to county fairs and show them how to love it.

Take the boys to Washington D.C. and show them how to appreciate it.

Build a house with a gourmet kitchen.

Build a close relationship with my step-daughter and let her know i am there for her.

Show my kids the importance of seat belts and speed limits.

See my nieces no matter where they go in life and let them know i love them.

fix my brother.

Go camping with the boys at least once a month.

See all of our kids do at least 4 years in the service, i wish i had.

Build a house with a big wrap around porch.

Teach the boys to be proud of their heritage.

Show each one of my kids individually how amazing they are and try to never group them together.

Go on a "date" with each of my boys at least once a month..

Build a house with two hot water heaters.

have long silver pigtails..

quit smoking, for good.

master parallel parking, i can do it in a small car but the suburban is a different story.

Pass on to my kids the importance of making list..

get breast implants, big ones.

Learn to juggle.

Have and use a clothesline.

Get braces and finally fix my teeth, this has gone on too long..

rebuild an old car, preferably a 1959 Ford Galaxie 500.

Open my own artsy coffee shop.

Open my own family friendly restaurant.

Go back to No Name Colorado and take pictures, it was beautiful.

Convince my inlaws to move back to Elsbery.

Have sex with James in the woods, completely naked, in the daytime at least twice a year every year until i die, even when I'm a supercentenarian.

Be on a Jury.

Buy Hattiesburg High a bench or something with the inscription "Brandy B. dropped out of this school and can still afford this bench".

Take the kids to the statue of liberty in aforementioned RV.

Always be able to find and/or call A&J Furniture.. Theyre prices cant be beat.

Watch all 2 minutes and 40 seconds of the total eclipse of the sun that will be on August 21st 2017.

Get back in that RV and see all 50 states.. except Hawaii because we'd all drown trying to get there in the RV..

Fly to Hawaii.

Learn to say the alphabet backwards really, really fast.

Teach the boys that dreams don't mean anything until you follow them and money is worthless until you spend it.

Stay out of debt..

Pay for one of those operation smile kids..

See the Northern lights.

Learn to play the bagpipes.

Be able to let the boys go when its time for them to grow up..

Live as simply as i can. Pay the bills, buy the groceries and smile often.

Always remind people to wear their seat belts.

Take pictures and order prints. Its so much more fun to go through a box of old pictures than it is to email and attachment.

Bury a time capsule deep in the woods (somewhere like state forest, protected lands) no where near the roads and write down the gps coordinates. Put those in a safe deposit box and leave the key for my first great grandchild.

Learn to throw a boomerang and then teach the kids to do it.

Get a two hundred pound, ultra lazy dog. Name him Forrest.

Makes the kids bathe Forrest once a week.

Go to the Olympics!!

Learn to surf (also get over ridiculous fear of the ocean).

skydive barefoot.

Walk the Great Wall with all of our kids... (and maybe by then Grandkids)

Research my ancestry on my Dad's side.. Other than they're all dead, i don't know anything about them.

Catch up on laundry..

Take my kids to redbluff.

When i have that house of my dreams with its gourmet kitchen and wrap around porch. I want it to have an outside shower. Maybe on a deck off of my bedroom. Hot and cold water, with a drain so i can shower outside because showering outside is amazing..

Never, NEVER stop being proud of who and what i am because it may offend someone else. This is my life, not yours.. The world never stopped spinning for me..

My ever expanding brood

2010-05-30T19:22:00.002-05:00

So Wilson is almost a year old and our family is coming to a crossroads.
I'll explain.
When Presley turned a year old we got pregnant with River. When River turned a year old (plus a few months waiting for James to get off deployment) we had Wilson. Now Wilson is almost a year old and we're going back and forth.. Okay I'm going back and forth, James is okay with whatever, on whether or not to have another one or to just be done all together..
For some folks the timing or spacing of children may not be that important, to us it is.. We want them to be close together, for a lot of reasons..
The first and foremost being I want my kids to be close.. We're a military family and because of that every few years my children will be asked to pack up their lives. Say goodbye to everyone they know. Move somewhere new and start completely over. At the very least i can give them siblings who are close in age who are going through the same thing, someone they can relate to.
Secondly i don't want to do this forever. I don't want to always have cribs and highchairs and baby gates and elastic waist jeans. I want to have the baby making chapter finished and not bookmarked to come back to later. I don't want to have a 16 year old, a 14 year old, a 12 years old and a baby on the breast. If I'm doing this now I'm going to do it all the way.
Which brings my to my next point. Another one?
I know that some folks are intensely anti-big family. They want their 1.6 kids and that's all. Well that's not what James and I came from. Both of our Mothers are from ridiculous Catholic families with 3 dozen kids (okay maybe not 3 dozen but my grandparents had 9 and James' grandparents had 7). We both have huge extended families with lots of kids, grand kids and now great grand kids and being a part of a family like that is only something you can understand if its something you live. When i was younger i looked forward to family holidays all year long. Seeing all of my cousins, aunts, uncles and wiener dogs. Everybody eating together, hugging, laughing and crying. Ever body being close to celebrate the good times and everybody being close to get us through the hard times. A big family is a beautiful thing and the older James and I get the more we start to look toward the future. What do we want in our lives 10, 20 and 50 years from now. Is it a retirement community in Boca or is it rocking chairs and pipe tobacco on a big back porch while are grandchildren running in the yard.. Well i have a fondness for pipe tobacco and if i want more than 2 grand kids I'm going to need more than one child.. Besides 4 kids is not what I think of as a big family, its a medium family..
Now like I've said, I'm going back and forth on this but this seems to be a good time for it. We've got 2.5 years (at least) left here. I wont be going to school for another 3 years or so. I haven't packed up the highchairs, cribs, baby gates or elastic waist jeans (eh) and i know if i do put these things away, I'm likely to never pull them out again..
So that is where things stand... I am back on my vitamins and taking folic acid and I've got a Dr's appointment in two weeks to make sure I'm healthy and everything is still working the way it should.. Its a big step but its one I'm very comfortable with..
More to come on this subject later..

No Thanks on the Jesus Meat..

2010-05-28T14:31:00.002-05:00

Okay so i posted a link to a story about a teacher who's been fired twice from public schools for leading prayer in the classroom and the comments led to some christians acting ver unchristianly..
Have fun explaining that one to your "god".. yea because your gonna meet him someday.
Remember folks that the same people that taught you about god also taught you about santa claus and the easter bunny.. Stop being sheep and learn to think for yourselves. You know, use those brain cells that you have and actually produce a rational thought..
Stop attacking non believers to feel better about yourself. Really who are you trying to convince of your faith, me or you?
I never said that its absurd that we even let christians vote and teach in public schools (even though thats how i feel because you people are clearly luney), i just posted a link..
So feel how you want, i dont care. Nothing you can say is going to change what i think or how i choose to raise my family. I dont have to be threatened by eternal damnation to be a good person. I make that choice on my own everyday..
Relegion (whether yours or something you find totally absurd) is relegion and all it boils down to is what people came up with to answer questions before we figured out science..
Now i like my life. I have three beautiful (and matching) children. I have an amazing husband who found me good enough to marry. I wake up everyday and fall in love with everything i have and i feel satisfied with my life, I DONT wake up everyday and feel the need to thank some cosmic jew zombie for everything that I have accomplished. Im a big girl and i can do things on my own..

Now i would say that im sorry for being offensive but really, Im not.. At All! Its that old christian double standard. Everything i think is just plain mean and Im supposed to feel bad about that but i have to grin and bare it everytime somebody says they will pray for me? Dont waste your breath, Im good. Ive already met my makers, their names are Jack and MartyAnn and they made me on the hood of a 74 Ford Galaxie..

really... its not that hard

2010-05-27T08:49:00.002-05:00

Okay this blog is a bitch..

If your tired of people thinking your a slut, stop going to the bar and having sex with strangers.

If you want your kids to stop being terrible, stand up to them. Theyre children and they need to be disciplined.

Im sorry that your life is SOOOOO hard because your a single Mom. Well guess what, its not the victorian age anymore and pregnancy is avoidable. Use birth control and wear condoms..

Breaking the law is illegal.. Tough.

If your tired of being fat, stand up. No seriously, stand up and run in place for an hour.

If your tired of your kids being fat, turn off the goddamned TV.

If you find this offensive you need to grow up, put your big boy pants on and move out of your parents house...

My Ever Changing Life Long List

2010-05-24T13:02:00.015-05:00

just a lazy sunday... i mean monday..

2010-05-24T12:55:00.002-05:00

Tomorrow is Presley's school physical.. yikes.. I'm really having hard time grasping that this chapter is opening.. Presley has turned into a kid, A KID! He started out so sick and still in his little isolette and now hes a verb on his way into kindergarten.. I sat up all night last night crying over this and I'm not even sure why.. okay I'm exactly sure why. I hated school. It was the worst thing ever. I ended up quitting because i got to the point where one more day was going to be more than i could handle.. I hated it and now its time for my beautiful boy to go.. It may seem silly to some of you (some of you will never understand because for some odd reason you enjoyed school) but i feel like i am forcing my innocent child into being tortured for the next 13 years. I know hes not me and knowing Pres hes going to really enjoy school but that was my experience and that's what i know of it and that's how i feel..

An old blog

2010-05-20T08:56:00.003-05:00

I wrote this a couple of years ago when James was on the boat.. We had our fifth anniversary (seven years together)one month ago and it still rings true..

I love James Because

He makes me laugh but not on purpose
Hes a great Dad
He worries about me
I know if he had too, hed fuck somebody up for me
He gave me two beautiful boys
He made an honest woman out of me
Hes the perfect height to hug
He drives faster when Metallica comes on the radio
He tells me dinner was good, even when it wasnt
He thought i was pretty, even when i was 11 and he was 13
He still thinks im pretty
He'll get up in the middle of the night and go to the store to fetch whatever pregnancy induced craving im having
He cried during the Pantera behind the music
He works hard so i can stay home with the boys
He's a patriot
Hes a republican
He stays home on Saturday night, even if its just to play scrabble with me
He watches Dr. Phil
He bought me the Trailblazer for our Anniversary
He appreciates the beauty of a lazy Sunday afternoon
He bought me my very first guitar
He loves the sound of my typewriter
He drinks coffee as much as i do
He gives the boys a bath and puts them to bed with a story everynight (when hes not on deployment)
He gets up with the boys on Saturday so i can sleep in.
He takes the boys to the hangar to show them off and teach them about F-18s everychance he gets
He thinks our new stroller is cool (its a sit and stand and it kicks ass)
He loves his mother
He thinks its cool that we are competetive gingerbread house builders
He puts me and the boys first, no matter what
Hes never met a stranger
Hes proud of me, for what im not sure but he is
He lets me spoon him
He made 2nd Class in 2 and a half years
He still holds my hand, even if were just standing in the kitchen
He lets me be right
Hes left-handed
He keeps the kids busy and out from under my feet while im cooking
It was important to him for me to breastfeed the boys
He wants to have alot of kids so oneday we can sit on our porch in our rocking chairs and watch alot of grandkids running in our yard
He worships me
He takes pride in what he does, at work and at home
We never have leftovers
He goes grocery shopping with me
He realizes just how lucky we are to have what we have
He misses the rain too
He smiles with his whole face
Hes a good kisser
He can reach the top shelf
He has sexy muscles
He has freckles on his eyelids
Hes generous
He falls asleep when he sits still too long
Know any other man that can fold a fitted sheet?
I wake up in the middle of the night to find him just watching me sleep (in a romantic, loving way and not in a crazy way)
One of his best guy friends is a girl (yes its you, i know your reading this ^_^)
|If one of the boys has a bad dream, he'll go sleep in their room in case it comes back
My dad loves him and trust me thats hard to do
Hes got a great butt
His best friends like me
He gives me back rubs
He loves Maggie
He promised to let me die first, so i never have to live without him and right now that ones really important, im holding him to it..
He wakes me up at night to tell me he loves me
He talks to my mom like their old friends, i mean, i know they kind of are but still..
He pics on my accent
Without realizing it, he plays air guitar on MY arm
We still take showers together (when hes home and not on the boat where he gets to take showers with all kinds of people)
ADD is great for getting chores done
he makes the same face i do when we see somebody elses kid being bad as hell in the grocery store
He wipes the bathroom sink down after he shaves
He smells good, somewhere between Aqua Di Gio (?) and jet fuel
He changes the oil
He goes to the boys Dr.'s appointments with me
He thinks i look good in a straw hat
He says "dang" alot
The fact that im completely nuts doesnt bother him at all
He thinks my family is hilarious and is proud to be a part of it

Okay well this could go on for days and its getting late so im just gonna stop here and maybe ill pick back up later..

so yea

creative in the kitchen

2010-05-18T17:38:00.002-05:00

I think everybody likes the food that their Mama cooks..
Well my kids might never be satisfied with their future wives cooking because their Mama watches the food network waaaay too much..
Last night we had fried chicken, cabbage and black eyed peas. Pretty normal as far as the soul food that us G.R.I.T.S. are accustomed to. The night before we had breakfast for dinner, another one of my favorites..
Well tonight we are having chicken wrapped asparagus and whole wheat penne pasta with broccoli and alfredo sauce.. Last night i was listening to Charley Pride, tonight its the Ramones..
Haha I think i may have domestic bipolar disorder!!

Ma'am and Sir?

2010-05-18T13:24:00.002-05:00

I know that i am Southern to the bone. It is in every piece of my being. The way i eat, talk, relax and raise my children are all in that hazy Southern way. I, like most Southern parents expect my children to say yes Ma'am and no Sir. Not so much because its polite but because its rude if you don't. They also don't put their elbows on the table and have to say please and thank you if they want anything.. I realized more than i ever have when i was in California that not everybody feels that is as important as I do. I had a friend out there who (against her husbands wishes) made a point of NOT teaching her son things that i thought were basic manners because she felt like it was forcing him to respect her and in her opinion respect is something you earn. Now this woman is a good woman and a good Mother but i never could understand her reasoning behind this. This kid was not 17, he was 4. I don't think that teaching my kiddos Ma'am and Sir is forcing respect but rather instilling respect. My parents always taught me that you respect your elders regardless and in my house, I'm one of the elders! I did not live all these years to take crap off of a three year old. You will not talk back to me and you will not be demanding. I know this process will undoubtedly get harder as the boys get older but for now its not hard to be polite. I don't think you could ever just know how to be respectful if your not taught respect.. That makes sense right? And totally besides the respect side of it, its polite. Polite to me is alot more than Thank you and alot of what i thought was polite didn't really matter in (that particular) friend's house.
Merriam-Webster defines polite as showing or characterized by correct social usage b : marked by an appearance of consideration, tact, deference, or courtesy c : marked by a lack of roughness or crudities..
AKA no farting at the table.. I'm not raising bigger versions of my little boys I'm raising gentlemen here.. I think our entire country would be so much better off if Moms and Dads reminded their children that they are Ma'ams and Sirs..

5 things i wish everybody knew

2010-05-10T13:19:00.002-05:00

1. Nobody owes you anything, we all come into the world breathing the same air.. Its up to you if you want to make something of it.. Ive known plenty of people that do alright despite having crappy parents themselves and no (gasp) universal health care..

2. The posted speed limit is the maximum speed limit when conditions are good.. Riding my ass isn't going to make me go any faster its just going to frustrate you and besides if you drive anything smaller than a midsized SUV and your riding the rear of my truck, i cant even see you so your really not bothering me at all.. Just making it unsafe for everybody..

3. Not breaking the law is not hard to do.. If your not doing anything wrong and you get pulled over, just be polite and you can be on your way.. But if your car is billowing with smoke as you leave your pot guys house at 2AM and you get pulled over, that's not a witch hunt. That's probable cause..

4. Kids grow up really fast. So spend every free second you can with them. Before you know it they will be teenagers and you will be the retarded one.. This past weekend i got a two day break from my life.. I hung out with my friends, i drank coffee and i smoked cigarettes and it was fun but it wasn't something i could do everyday.. I don't think i could do that more than once a year.. Your kiddos didn't ask you to have them, you did that so try to be there for them. I have very little respect for a woman who dumps her babies off on grandma every weekend..

5. I'm not "green". I'm not a liberal or a hippie. I have bigger fish to fry than what the lube place does with the oil out of my truck when I'm done with it.. I drive a fully blown dinocinerator that gets 13 miles a gallon.. But I DON'T LITTER!! It just about makes me sick to my stomach to see people throw garbage out of their car windows.. I feel like that crying Indian.. You don't have to go out of your way to care for the Earth but jesus christ don't think that your Walmart bag full of soda cans and burger wrappers belongs on the side of the highway..

Where would i have been?

2010-05-09T19:28:00.002-05:00

Oh ive had fun in these last two days.. I saw some old good friends of mine, some old notso good friends of mine and some folks that i never knew before but hopefully will one day be old good friends of mine.. It was so weird to be in Hattiesburg with no husband and no children. In fact i have not done that since i had no husband and children. That kind of freedom is almost more than i can handle now. I rode around in the middle of the night, smoking cigarettes and just hanging out. I cant help but wonder what would have happened to me if things hadnt lined just as they had to give me the life i have.. If i had stayed in that place and James had never come over that night. Where would I be? I guess i would probably still be in Hattiesburg. Would i have an apartment or share a house with a bunch of friends? Would i still work at Jody's? Would i have graduated by now? What would i have been doing this past weekend other than sneaking in my every fifth year peak at freedom? Or would i be married to somebody else, maybe with two little girls? That im sure wouldnt be the case because its almost impossible to even imagine.. No, i think i was meant to be married to James and have all these XYs..

Every new beginning comes from some other beginning's end

2010-05-02T15:51:00.002-05:00

I'm in this weird Semisonic reminiscent thing right now..

My Dirty Joe, my 005, my inches from albino child, my Presley is going to start going to school in a few weeks and i am just not handling this well at all.. I keep saying I'm not ready for this but its so much more than that. I hated school! I hated it with a passion! I did not like being forced into being in a room full of strangers and shared air, being told what to do by some woman that i didn't know. I hated being forced into socializing and now i hate that I'm about to put my own son through this. It just doesn't seem fair. What did he do to deserve having to go through this? He's such a good kid and hes so smart (and really I'm not just saying that because I'm his Mother, can your 4 year old find the Philippines on a map? mine can..) and I'm so scared that putting him in a room full of nuerotypical, boring, overweight and under mannered kids is only going to hinder him.. Okay i recognize that my point of view on this off balance (one) because I'm his Mother and (two) i went to terrible schools. No really, some of the worst in the country. I just get the feeling that this isn't going to be the best thing ever that i keep hearing from average Mothers of average children..
This is going to change so much for us.. I can literally count on one hand how many times my children have stayed the night away from me. They have never been to daycare and have never been babysat. I didn't have my children to pay someone else to take care of them for me. This will be the beginning of outside influence and I am VERY nervous about that. James and I pride ourselves in not lying to our children about anything. If they have a question, we give them an honest answer. There has been no Santa Clause, Easter Bunny, Jesus, babies come from a cabbage patch around here. I try very hard to teach my kids to think for themselves, they will not be sheep. They do not chew gum, they do not put their elbows on the table and I will not tolerate gross habits they pick up from kids who's parents don't care.. UGH!! I am so stressed out about this!!
This is going to change more than just Presley's life. This will change our entire family dynamic. We are entering the age of having school aged kids.. No more packing up and spending a week in Hburg when we feel like it. All of our trips will have to be scheduled around school days and spring breaks. Hell, even when we pcs we'll have to manage it around school now.. Backpacks, lunch bags, trapper keepers (do they still make those?), back to school sales, pencils, elmers glue... Even the clutter around my house is going to change..

5 things i try not to do..

2010-04-26T12:44:00.002-05:00

5. I try not to tell other people what to do with their kids..
I know that generally i come off as blunt and obtrusive so i pretty much try to avoid sensitive topics (like parenting styles).. People get really defensive over how they raise their kids.. Good thing about that is there are a million different ways to raise a kid right and only a handful of ways to screw them up permanently.. So when i see people raising pansy, bratty, disrespectful toddlers I'm not going to say anything out loud to you, though you can be assured in my head I'm thinking "have fun with that in 15 years". I know that people probably think that I'm too hard on my boys or not affectionate enough or whatever. But don't tell me what you think I'm doing wrong. If i had wanted sissies i would have given them girls names.. okay back to my point, i don't tell other people what to do with their kids (unless they ask) because i don't want anybody telling me how to raise mine..

4. I try to never say never.
7 years ago when James and I started dating if someone had told me where we would be today, i would have called bullshit on em'.. 10 years ago if someone had told me that one day i would be dating James, i wouldn't have believed them and 16 years ago, if you had tracked down little Brandy riding in the back of her Moms suburban and told me one day you'll drive your own suburban with 3 kids of your own... You get my point... You never know where tomorrow will take you. What is permanent anyway? Ill never leave this town? That was something i said alot growing up in Hattiesburg and guess where i don't live anymore! 5 minutes after the most excruciating pain i think any human could ever go through during the delivery of Presley i thought, I am never doing that again.. Well i wouldn't have all three of my beautiful boys then would I??

3. I try not to lie to my kids..
I'm raising my boys as atheist, i don't want their little blond heads full of delusions about a magic zombie saving their souls with a fat guy in a red suit and a rabbit that lays eggs.. When i was pregnant with Wilson and Presley asked how DID the baby get in there? I simply told him Daddy put it there with a special hug that Mommy's and Daddy's do.. Just because children are young and their thoughts aren't exactly deep yet doesn't mean they don't rationalize.. I want to always be honest with the boys because i want the boys to always be honest with me.. They need to feel like they can talk to Mom and Dad and be upfront, not talking in circles behind birds and bees or monsters in closets.. I try to give my kids credit for having thoughts, questions, concerns and opinions.. I remember being lied to as a kid by adults who didn't think i could handle the truth, and it bugged me..

2. I try not to let other peoples opinions of me, get to me..
Like i said before i know that i come off as blunt and most people either really like me or just cant stand the sight of me.. I tell myself that its those people that have a problem with themselves and not me. Sometimes the truth hurts and you can either take it like a man or you can decide that you don't like me because I'm the only person around you that's being honest with you... Stop going to the bar and picking up strange men, your a mother for Pete's sake...

1. I try not to complain about being a Mom
okay not directly, i cant think anyone who complains of JUST being a mom but the parts of being a Mom. I know your tired, were all fucking tired!! I'm sorry you don't have any time for yourself but that's not what you signed up for!! I try not to complain about the hard parts of Motherhood because anyone who is a mother (whether a great Mom or a shitty mom) already knows.. I don't want to complain about being tired to a bunch of women who are also tired because its almost rude.. Hell it is rude! We all go through these things and everybody handles it differently. Some of us were made to be Mothers and the hard days are just a breeze, some of us's whole world just crumbles because the three week old baby who sleeps 20 hours a day is too much work.. I think i fall somewhere in the middle of those two examples and i try to keep my head up and keep a handle on the housework.. I know that i don't have much time for myself right now but time for myself just isn't a part of this chapter.. This is the building my family, having little babies, always being pregnant, never sleeping and taking the little bit of extra time I've got and giving it to my husband chapter.. and as sad as it is, this chapter will be over before i know it and my boys will get bigger and life will move on.. Ill have plenty of time to sleep later in my book but for now that's not what life is about..

So heres a few things

2010-04-23T12:51:00.003-05:00

I totally suck, so theres that..

My baby sister has now officially been sworn into the Air Force and i could not be any prouder of her! This is going to be an amazing opportunity for her that can and will change her life.
I am excited, anxious, scared, nervous, super proud and in a small way, really jealous of her.. This is a BIG thing in her life. Unless your active duty or a dependant you cant understand how different it is from the civilian life. She is going to travel, earn a good living, get great training.. All this is really kind of reminding me that i haven't done anything with my life. I'm a stay at home house wife.. I pop out a baby every other year and i change diapers and teach letters and numbers all day. Yea yea yea being a stay at home Mom is the hardest job, blahdeblah, whatever.. I don't have a career. I never finished college. I'm not getting any younger. I'm not contributing financially to this family, the only part of this family that i contribute to is the size! Don't get me wrong, we make it just fine.. We have three kids, a nice house, two nice cars, no debt. All of our bills get paid, there is always food on the table and we are even considering a fourth little one.. I'm just feeling a little blasé about my life these days..
And theres my baby sister, the trail blazer. Who has always been so confident and always been able to do whatever she sets out to do. She got the good legs and is an actual redhead and now shes even more than that, shes airman recruit Aunt Maggie. I cant say it enough how proud of her I am, she wanted a change in her life so she made one. That's not an easy thing to do. Especially when the change you make is chipping away at the wall surrounding the bigges boys club there is (the American Military).. Shes going to do amazingly well with this. Damn it now I'm crying, i hate it when i cry. I feel like a little bitch..

This is me and Maggie when we were little girls. We were typical Barbie playin, hair pulling, screaming like banshees sisters.. And now look at us! Im old as hell and I've got 19 kids and Maggie is still tall, hot and now about to move to Japan.. I hope she knows how proud of her I am and how much i look up to her.. How she inspires me to know that i can make a change in my life, I've just got to get up and do it..

I like making list

2010-04-21T09:48:00.002-05:00

I like to make list. I make two or three list a day and keep a few ongoing list in my kitchen.. I actually have a small list making station on the island in my kitchen, its a basket full of 5x7 card stock with two or three different colored pens..
I make a grocery list (coffee, milk, eggs), an errand list (dry cleaners... ugh), a house stuff list (ac filter), a chore list (just so happens my goal today is 6 loads of laundry and fixing the towel bar in the kids bathroom..)
I guess i should get on that..
Today is a big day in the Tangman House, Today is day one of not being slaves anymore.. We set our quit date and it was yesterday. We had our last cigarettes around 2300 and we then broke the rest of them that were in the pack.. Im not really super stoked about quitting, hell i like cigarettes, i just dont like anything other than ME controlling my life.. Im tired of taking breaks, im tired of having smelly hair and dull skin, im tired of paying almost 6 bucks for ONE box of cigarettes.. 6 bucks just for some nails in my coffin..
Speaking of coffins, I want mine to be made out of paper mache and i would like to be buried somewhere in the woods.. No seriously i do..

You should check it out, its a great alternative to being preserved (i guess to look nice for jesus?) and being locked in a cement box forever.. No embalming, no ridiculous frills, just laying someone to rest..
hmmmm...
I saw a commercial the other day for an automated soap pump, to put next to your sink.. The whole point of the commercial was that your soap pump is dirty and can harbor bacteria so they made this one that you dont have to touch, its motion activated and it just spits some soap out at you.. This has just been pissing me off for days now.. Was handwashing so outdated that it needed to be improved upon? and really, its your fucking soap pump, so what if its got germs on it? You use to it WASH YOUR FUCKING HANDS!!! Besides either people wash their hands or they dont (yea some people dont... uuugh) and automated soap pump that can protect you from the germs that you were going to wash off anyway isnt going to change anybody's habits..

More than just a piece of paper

2010-04-06T13:01:00.003-05:00

So we made it to five years.. crazy huh?

Some people say that all a "marraige" is, is a piece of paper... Those people are just really bitter. I can tell you that its more than just that.. Its a commitment to each other, its a contract for life, its a promise to have and to hold til death do you part..
I love being married.
I love being married so much that every few weeks i dig through the filing cabinet just to find our "piece of paper" just to look at it.
It may horrify some people to be this invested in someone else but thats what being married is all about.. We dont have mine or yours, its all ours.. (except my truck, thats mine..) Our house, our bills, our money, our kids. We all have the same last name, we all live together, we are a family and i just dont know if it would feel this real if James and I didnt have our "piece of paper"..
Now im not getting into the politics of marraige, i know there are some folks out there who love and care for each other deeply but because of somebody else's backwoods biblical opinion they cannot get married.. I wish it was different, i wish everybody could know how special this is..

April is a big month..

2010-04-01T11:12:00.002-05:00

So April is here and Spring has sprung at the Tangman house.. We've got alot to accomplish this month!

First off, we've got to finish the yard!
We rented this house last fall and it has a HUGE backyard, great for the kids but its been a little neglected in the last few years.. Mostly it just needs to be cleaned up.. We've probably gotten it about halfway done and were going to try and finish it this weekend.. yay
Spring cleaning is after that.. Putting up the winter clothes, finish cleaning out the garage, go through everything that Wilson has grown out of and send it to Cousin Ashley for her brand new little one!!
Another big one this month is (not this weekend but next) two of James' best friends from highschool and their families are coming to stay with us for a few days and I can not wait!! These are people that James and I care about alot and we really havent got to spend any real time with them in a few years because weve been living on the West Coast.. It'll be nice to catch up and see the guys be grown-ups together.. Plus half of one of those families is a very good friend of mine (!!!) and i cant wait to hang out with Cassie and her little guy!!
Also this month ive got to start getting things ready for the super birthday party we are throwing in Hattiesburg at the end of June.. its a Super party because its Wilson's first and Presley's fifth.. I havent really been able to have the big cool kind of bday parties for the boys that ive wanted because our family and friends have been so far away.. But now were close to home and we can celebrate our kids with the people that we love (no offense CA, we love yall too but you know..)..
Well James is standing watch all day today and ive got alot of work that needs to get done before he gets home so i best get back to it..
bran

Standing up for the not crunchy..

2010-03-29T10:54:00.002-05:00

Nobody backs baby into a corner..
And no one will threaten (with their hippy liberal agenda) into being a different kind of parent than i am..
No offense granola eaters, its just not me..
A few weeks ago i watched a video online that some one sent me a link to that was about rearfacing carseats. Now typically you keep a child rearfacing until they are a certain weight or about a year old but this video was basically threatening Moms with the horrible deaths of their children if they didn't keep them rearfacing and in a 5 point harness until they were 5 (or something as equally ridiculous). It was terrible!! I thought what kind of sicko would take the time, money and effort to put this together just to scare women.. It basically screamed that if you did anything OTHER than this you were a horrible parent and your kids deserve to die.. Now I'm a pretty set in my ways kind of gal but i could see how this particular video would have WARPED a young or new Mom. I mentioned it on a website that i frequent and apparently there are a bunch of Moms out there that have 10 year old kids facing out the back window strapped down with 5 point harnesses.. I know these women have good intentions but you know what they say about good intentions.. You do know that at some point that kid is gonna have to learn how to drive and that going to be very hard for him when hes LOOKING OUT THE BACK WINDOW!!!
This is about more than just car seats though.. Everybody parents differently and I'm not telling ANYBODY what to do with their kids because it pisses me off people tell me what to do with mine. Now (my point) I'm a little bit sick and tired of being told or shown or whatever that because I'm not this super attached parent that my kids are worse off..
No, i don't co-sleep.. That bed belongs to James and I and we do grown up things in it.. and nothing quite ruins the mood like a screaming baby..
Yea, i let the boys cry it out. I hate hearing Moms complain about how they never get any sleep and they're soooo tired because the baby was up every hour.. You know that baby was up every hour because you went in there and picked it up every time it did so much as fart! People fart, nobody needs a titty to get over it..
Titties, yes i breastfed. I nursed the littler boys for about 6 months each and Presley for a year.. I helped my children with their nutritional needs but I'm not a comfort nurser. Sometimes you fall down and bump your head.. I smacked my face with my own car door last week and nobody showed up and offered me a boob.. I'm raising future men here and not a bunch of nancies. If i had wanted them to be weaklings i would have given them girls names.. and Since were talking about breastfeeding let me make this point.. You do have a right to do it anywhere you need to and girl if your baby is hungry by all means feed him!! But if your 3 year old is hungry, buy the kid a god damned happy meal because nobody else wants to look at that shit!

The final straw was an article i read this morning that pretty much said that my kids were suffering because i had them to close together....? yea i know..

Now you oppressive, tired, worn out, aching back from baby wearing, powdered bones crunchy Moms who just know your doing this right and your kids are better off.. Go ahead, keep wearing yourself out if that is what you believe then DO IT! but please stop thinking your better than me, your just different.. I'm just old fashioned..

Except for you one crazy lady who still harnesses in your 10 year old.. stop doing that shit, its embarrassing for him when he gets dropped off at school and has to be unbuckled..

And again pointing out i dont mean any of this to be mean, just standing up for us middle of the pool Moms..

A little bit more than weird

2010-03-26T16:16:00.002-05:00

Okay, so i have been slightly less than honest.
It has been recently brought to my attention that not telling the whole truth is the same thing as lying. In that case, Ive got some explaining to do. I need, as a person, to be as much of an open book as possible. I always have been and i have always wanted the people around me to be the same. Not being completely transparent to the people that you care about isn't fair to them and if I was close to someone going through what i have been going through, out of curiosity and concern, i would want them to be able to speak freely with me.
Big deep breaths.
Presley is a little bit more than weird.
We have known for several years now that Presley has severe hyper-active impulsive type ADHD. Hell, anybody that's ever met him could pick up on that one. Last year our behaviorist pointed out some things that looked like early OCD (obsessive and compulsive disorder) and ODD (oppositional defiance disorder). These are all things that i can handle, not that big of a deal.. Really it sounds like more than it is. Fast forward to 6 months ago we moved here to Pensacola and started seeing a new child psychologist, who is wonderful. She met Presley and reviewed all of his medical records, met me and went over our entire family history and we discussed Presley's behaviors. There are some things that i always thought were a little strange but have been repeatedly reassured by pediatricians that they were all very normal, lots of kids rock back and forth.. sure.. Things like Presley putting his puzzles together with his eyes closed. Presley's bizarre breathing habits. The fact that Presley could name every state, find its place on a map and name its capital at two years old. Presley's rituals, obsessions, fears, likes and dislikes. His sensitivities (bright lights, strong taste, weird textures, weird sounds and things out of his routine).. It was after this that our new doctor said the words Ive been wondering when i was going to hear since Pres was about a year old.
Asperger's syndrome
Its so weird how something can not bother you when you just suspect it but when someone else points it out to you it can knock the wind out of you.
The more questions she asked and the more questions i answered the more obvious it became, that this is Presley.

And i feel terrible for letting something that belongs to him, bother me so much. After all its just a name right? Presley is still Presley. Hes still the same kid he was 6 months ago right?

I think i have gone through every emotion a Mom can go through over this. From being horrified of what his life might be like to being sure that i had convinced myself of this and really, hes fine, hes normal.. In the words of Mama Gump "what is normal anyway?".
Denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance. I think I've sat in a pool of each in the last 6 months. I'm not real sure where i stand now.. I guess I'm pretty close to acceptance because I'm writing this.. Writing it makes it real..

We will get the official diagnosis and where he stands with other nuero typical kids and other Aspies when we get in to see the pediatric nuero psychologist (cant believe that's even a real job) in about 6 months. Why 6 months you ask? Because there aren't that many pediatric nuero psychologist and thats how long it takes to get in to see this doc..

Hes still Presley. Still the same vibrating box of words hes always been.. Just today he came to tattle on River and he did so by saying "Mom, could you please tell River to stop being confrontational".. Somewhere between typical 4 year old and brilliant genius my child lies..

I guess i am getting into acceptance because I'm starting to realize that this isn't a curse and James and i must be the luckiest parents in the world to have such amazing children, one of which is just a little bit more than weird..

Just a little rain

2010-03-25T21:20:00.003-05:00

Today, there was a thunderstorm and it was great.

After living in a place where it rains twice a year for three years you could imagine how much a girl from South Mississippi appreciates the afternoon thunder boomer. I got up this morning, had my coffee and checked the weather, like i always do. When i saw that big line of red heading right towards us a smile spread across my face! Is it weird that bad weather puts a spring in my step? I don't think so.. I tried to get the boys excited about it but they are 4, 3 and 8 months so a rainy afternoon isn't exactly their idea of big fun.. I opened all the windows and doors, turned on the ceiling fans and off the lights and waited for it to come.. It took a little longer than i anticipated but that okay because it gave me some time to sweep off the patio and gather up the kid toys in the yard. Right about the time i picked up the last tonka truck i felt the first sprinkle and it was beautiful! Within just a few minutes buckets of water were falling out of the sky and every few seconds a rumble of thunder shook through the house. I was in heaven! There is nothing quite like the beginning of afternoon showers. Temps in the 70s, high humidity and lots of lightening calms my soul (ha who am i kidding, i don't have a soul!! lol). Everything was amazing and then, just out of the blue, lightening struck my neighbors house.. Everything was fine, no fire or anything, just loud as hell!! For a second i thought it hit my front yard. I had all the doors and windows open and it got very bright and very loud, very quickly.. Then my "I've been through worse before brain" came back online and i realized as my computer screen went black that the bright light was coming from the power surging through the light over my head.. Then everything was quiet. I got up and went into the little boy's room to reassure them because their window was open and they were napping but apparently both of them slept right through it.. They get that from James..
It was so striking (no pun intended) how that one bolt of lightening reminded me that i am back in the place i call home, generally anyway.. The Southeast United States.. Say what you want about it but i was Mississippi born, Mississippi bred and when i die ill be Mississippi dead. From light spring rains to late summer hurricanes I am all about some precipitation and today was just what i have been needing..

coffee's makin

2010-03-25T08:49:00.002-05:00

I love coffee.
I love the way it makes the house smell and feel. I love the way the cup warms my hands up. I love it with a little raw sugar and some french vanilla creamer.
Some people think that having rituals (not the relegious kind but the kind that are hardwired into your life) is weird or unhealthy but we all have them. Everybody drinks coffee differently but no matter how you do it, you do it the same way everyday... That is if your a coffee drinker, if your not than your just weird to me. I bet people (a non-specific person) start thinking about it at the same time each day, buy the same brand everyweek, probably drink out of the same cup everyday, even have the same look on their face when they are putting the grounds in the filter, or however you do it.
My point is, i love it..

end of the day

2010-03-24T20:25:00.001-05:00

Its been so long since I've written anything, i don't know where to start..

My goal in the next year is to somehow or another make some time for myself. I love to write, nothing serious. I don't claim to be an expert or grammar or spelling, or even having anything important to say. I just like to write shit down. I can recall almost every event of everyday when i was a teenager because i wrote it all down in one of my books, a glorified journal. Less emotional and more auxiliary.. After i grew out of journals i started on typing, yes i own a typewriter and i love it! I love the sound it makes, i love the way the keys feel. I love that I'm great at typing because that's where i learned how to do it. So now when i look through old boxes of this's and that's i find weird, random and dated pages of free association. I wish i had stayed on that longer but i ran out of ribbon. I'm cheap and that stuff isn't... So this is what i will do now to try and get back to who I really am, Brandy. Not Mom, honey or darlin' but me, after all this is about making time for myself right?

Its Wednesday

2010-03-24T09:53:00.003-05:00

And Wednesday means its trash day so i woke up this morning to the dinosaur that comes by to pick up the cans. No recycle can today, the only thing i can put in there is cardboard and somehow i cant fill up an entire can with cardboard in one week. I don't know why they wont take walmart bags (or as James calls them AAFES bags) or other things you would typically put in a recycle can..

So i have a few goals for today. The biggest one is to catch up on laundry. I didn't do it for a few days after James got home and its just thrown my whole month off track. The next is to cut down 4 yards of fabric into a seemingly random pile of shapes that i can later sew into aprons. In fact i need to go to the fabric store but that's.. that's never gonna happen.. The chances of me getting to the fabric store in the next three months rank right on up there with the chances of the moon falling out of the sky.
Did you know that because of the moons gravity, you weigh slightly less when its directly overhead?
And (yay) every body's favorite, yard work (woooo, hands clapping, wooo).. Ive got to at least rake the front yard. I started it yesterday but the world was against me so i only got as deep as the trimming the monkey grass and cleaning out the front beds..

Okay i fell off into boring.. But that's okay, I'm a homemaker. Its not super exciting but its my life and i like it. Who knows, something amazing may happen today!